Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-02
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 5.5)
The given graph indicates the information about the number of occupations in four sectors of economy in the US over a sixty year period.
Overall, retail and healthcare maintained an upward approach, while manufacturing and agriculture faced a gradual decline.
Initially, talking about the retail the number of jobs were up to six million in 1960 while the healthcare sector had 3 million jobs. The jobs increased over time and surged to 16 million in 2020 for both the sectors.
Manufacturing accounted for majority of people in 1960. A substantial growth was seen in 1980 with 20 million jobs following a decline in 2000 with nearly 13 million jobs in 2020.
Agricultural sector had 6 million working jobs in 1960 with a fall to 3 million in 1980. Occupations plummeted to 2 million in 2020.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.0
The response fails to meet the minimum word count requirement of 150 words, which significantly impacts the score. While you have identified the main trends and provided data points for the four sectors, the analysis is somewhat superficial. The overview is clear, but the body paragraphs lack sufficient detail and comparative analysis. For instance, you mention manufacturing had the 'majority of people' in 1960, but you do not explicitly compare this to the other sectors to highlight the scale of the shift. To improve, ensure you provide a more comprehensive summary of the data and meet the length requirement to allow for full development of the main features.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The essay is organised into logical paragraphs, with an introduction, an overview, and body paragraphs covering the sectors. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical and limited. Transitions between sentences are often abrupt, such as 'Initially, talking about the retail...' and 'Manufacturing accounted for...'. The progression of ideas is generally clear, but the lack of sophisticated linking words makes the flow feel disjointed. To achieve a higher band, try to use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'In contrast,' 'Conversely,' 'Furthermore') to connect your sentences and ideas more fluidly.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
You have used a sufficient range of vocabulary to describe the trends, such as 'surged,' 'plummeted,' and 'gradual decline.' However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. For example, 'maintained an upward approach' is not a natural collocation; 'showed an upward trend' would be more appropriate. Additionally, 'working jobs' is redundant. While the vocabulary is adequate for the task, it lacks the precision and flexibility required for higher bands. Focusing on more academic collocations and avoiding repetitive phrasing will help improve your score in this area.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The response uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There are several grammatical errors, such as 'the number of occupations in four sectors of economy' (missing 'the' before 'economy') and 'the number of jobs were' (subject-verb agreement error; 'number' is singular). While these errors do not prevent the reader from understanding the main points, they are frequent enough to affect the overall fluency. To improve, pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Incorporating more varied complex sentence structures with greater accuracy will also help raise your score.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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