Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-02
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 5.5)
The given graph illustrates information regarding the data of employment in four sectors of the economy in the United States between 1960 and 2020.
Looking from an overall perspective, it is clear that the jobs in manufacturing have always been high that declined in the 2020. However, healthcare department used to have less jobs that grew up in the end of the period.
After analysing the whole graph, it is shown that in the year 1960, firstly, the manufacturing sector has employment of 15 million individuals that experience the downward trend in the 2020. Secondly, retail market was having a job of over 5 million people that grew up 16 million in the 2020.
Turning toward the remaining sectors of the employment of the economy in US, the Agricultural sector used to have jobs over 5 million that dropped and remained only 3 million. Next, the healthcare department was the least employed sector in 1960 that climbed to over 15 million in the 2020.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5
The response covers all four sectors and identifies the main trends. However, the overview is somewhat simplistic and lacks precision. While you mention that manufacturing was 'high' and healthcare 'grew', you could improve by highlighting the significant crossover between these two sectors. The data reporting is generally accurate, but some figures are slightly imprecise (e.g., 'grew up 16 million' is grammatically awkward and lacks clarity regarding the starting point). To reach a higher band, ensure that the overview captures the most significant trends rather than just listing individual sector movements. The summary is functional but lacks the analytical depth required for a higher score.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The essay is organised into logical paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the information. You use basic cohesive devices like 'Looking from an overall perspective', 'After analysing', and 'Turning toward'. However, the transitions are somewhat mechanical and repetitive. The use of 'firstly' and 'secondly' within the body paragraph is unnecessary and does not flow naturally. To improve, try to vary your linking phrases and ensure that the progression of ideas between sentences is smoother. The paragraphing is appropriate, but the internal cohesion could be more sophisticated to move beyond a Band 6 level.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
The vocabulary is adequate for the task but remains quite basic. You rely on simple verbs like 'grew up', 'dropped', and 'climbed'. There are also some awkward collocations, such as 'healthcare department' (sector is more appropriate) and 'had a job of over 5 million people' (which is slightly unnatural). To improve, incorporate more precise academic vocabulary related to data description, such as 'fluctuated', 'plummeted', 'surpassed', or 'remained stable'. Expanding your range of synonyms for 'increase' and 'decrease' will help demonstrate a more flexible command of the language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The response uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally hinder clarity. For example, 'jobs in manufacturing have always been high that declined in the 2020' is syntactically incorrect. You also have issues with article usage ('the 2020') and prepositional phrases ('in the end of the period'). While the meaning is generally clear, the frequency of these errors prevents the writing from being considered 'error-free' in the majority of sentences. Focusing on subject-verb agreement and correct tense usage for historical data will significantly improve your accuracy.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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