Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-02
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 5.5)
The given line graph illustrated the number of jobs in various sectors like Retail, manufacturing, Agriculture, Health care of the economy in us during 1960 and 2020. Noticeably, agriculture and retail were the most spent money in unite state.
Manufacturing employment was the biggest sector around 15 millions which peak up to 20 millions in 1980 that continue fell down to 12 millions in 2020. In contrast, Retail was around 5 millions in 1960 which grow up to 15 millions in 2020.
On the other hand, agriculture employment was around 7 millions in 1960 constantly decline around 3 millions in 2020. However, in health care site least employment was there near to 3 millions that increase to 15 millions in 2020.
overall, health care and Retail sectors had maximum employment and minimal in agriculture sectors. furthermore, manufacturing was lost there employment .
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.0 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.0
The response fails to meet the minimum word count requirement of 150 words, which negatively impacts the score. While you have identified the main trends for the four sectors, the analysis is somewhat superficial. You correctly highlight the growth in Retail and Health care and the decline in Agriculture and Manufacturing, but the summary lacks sufficient detail and data points to fully support the trends described. Furthermore, the introductory sentence contains factual inaccuracies, such as claiming the graph shows 'money spent' rather than the 'number of jobs'. To improve, ensure you accurately interpret the axis labels and provide a more comprehensive overview that covers all key features without falling below the length requirement.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The essay is organised into paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the structure. However, the use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes mechanical. For example, 'On the other hand' and 'However' are used, but the flow between sentences is often abrupt. The concluding paragraph is quite weak and does not effectively synthesise the information presented. To improve, try to use a wider range of linking words and ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that guides the reader through the data comparison.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task but lacks the precision required for a higher band. There are several word choice errors, such as 'site' instead of 'sector' and 'peak up' instead of 'peaked at'. Additionally, the phrase 'most spent money' is incorrect given the graph represents employment numbers. The range of vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, relying on basic verbs like 'grow' and 'increase'. To improve, focus on using more precise terminology related to trends, such as 'fluctuated', 'surpassed', or 'remained stable', and ensure your terminology matches the data provided.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0
The response contains frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede clarity. Issues include subject-verb agreement ('Retail... which grow up'), incorrect verb tenses ('that continue fell down'), and missing articles ('in unite state'). The sentence structures are mostly simple, and attempts at complex sentences often result in errors, such as 'manufacturing was lost there employment'. To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence construction, specifically ensuring that verbs agree with their subjects and that tenses are used consistently when describing past data. Proofreading for common errors like 'there' versus 'their' is also essential.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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