Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-02
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 5.5)
The graph illustrates the information about the number of jobs in four sectors including manufacturing, retails, agriculture and healthcare of the economy in the United States between 1960 and 2020.
Starting with the year 1960, where manufacturing jobs striked the most followed by retail jobs and agriculture at the same margin. Surprisingly, healthcare jobs where the least in the counting in 1960. Manufacturing jobs still were at the highest in year 1980, with retail being at the second position. Shocking decline was seen in agriculture jobs in 1980 while healthcare sectors took a incline in number of jobs. In 2000s, Manufacture sector were the highest in numbers because of the productivity with retail at the second. Healthcare took a increase strike in 2000s with agriulture decling fast because of advancement in machinery. In 2020, manufacturing declined with healthcare sector rising surprisingly at the same level as retail jobs. Agriculture lies at the bottom even in 2020.
The reason agriculture continue to decline with years passing, is the advancing machinery and development of technology. Healthcare and retail jobs continue to rise.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5
The response covers all four sectors and provides a general overview of the trends. However, the analysis is somewhat superficial and relies on subjective descriptions like 'shocking decline' or 'surprisingly', which are not appropriate for an academic report. Furthermore, the inclusion of external knowledge in the final paragraph—explaining the reasons for the trends—is not required for Task 1 and detracts from the objective reporting of the data. To improve, focus strictly on describing the data trends and highlighting key comparisons, such as the point where healthcare overtook manufacturing, rather than speculating on causes.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The essay is organized into three paragraphs, but the progression of ideas is somewhat mechanical. The use of cohesive devices is limited and occasionally repetitive (e.g., 'In 1960', 'In 1980', 'In 2000s'). The transition between sentences is sometimes abrupt, and the final paragraph feels disconnected from the main body, as it introduces an explanation rather than summarizing the data. Using a wider variety of linking words and ensuring each paragraph has a clear thematic focus would improve the flow of the response.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
The vocabulary is adequate for the task but lacks precision and academic tone. There are several instances of awkward word choices, such as 'striked the most', 'took a incline', and 'increase strike'. These phrases are not standard English collocations. While the student successfully names the four sectors, the range of vocabulary used to describe trends (e.g., 'decline', 'rise', 'highest') is quite limited. To reach a higher band, the student should use more precise verbs and nouns, such as 'fluctuated', 'surpassed', or 'a significant downward trend'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The response contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede clarity. Examples include 'healthcare jobs where the least' (should be 'were'), 'Manufacture sector were' (subject-verb agreement error), and 'agriulture decling' (spelling error). There is also inconsistent use of articles and prepositions. While the meaning is generally understandable, the frequency of these errors prevents the response from reaching a higher band. Focusing on subject-verb agreement and proofreading for basic spelling would be beneficial.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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