Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-03
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 5.5)
The provided line graph represents the data of contribution in economy of US by four different occupation in between 1960 and 2020.
Overall, it is clear that the highest in all the year is manufacturing except last years ,While Health care and retail sector had started increasing from start to end year and Agriculture sector had decline there contribution from starting to ending years.
As per the given data in graph, the jobs in manufacturing sector had 15 millions jobs contributed in 1960, then its goes rose up to 20 millions in 1960 ,Whereas from 1980 to 2020 had gradually shrunk to 12.5 million jobs till the 2020. Moreover the agriculture sector had going to download contribution from beginning as 6 million jobs and end up on 3 million jobs over the 6 decades.
Proving further , the retail and healthcare sector both had dramatically sky rocketed in over all the decades as retails sector had gave contribution from 5.5 millions jobs to 15.5 million jobs , Moreover the agriculture sector gave contribution in rose up contribution from 3 million jobs to 15.5 million jobs as meet up with the retail sector contribution over the 60 years .
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 6.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5
The response covers the main features of the graph, identifying trends such as the decline in agriculture and the growth in healthcare and retail. However, there are significant inaccuracies in data reporting. For instance, you mention manufacturing rose to 20 million in 1960, which contradicts the graph, and you confuse the sectors in the final paragraph, labeling healthcare as agriculture. While the overview is present, the lack of precision in data interpretation and the misidentification of trends hinder the response. To improve, ensure that data points are read accurately from the axes and that sector names are correctly attributed throughout the analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0
The essay is organized into logical paragraphs, with an introduction, an overview, and body paragraphs. However, the use of cohesive devices is often mechanical or misused, such as 'Proving further' to start a paragraph, which is not a standard academic transition. Referencing is sometimes unclear, particularly when discussing the sectors in the final paragraph. While there is an overall progression, the flow is occasionally disrupted by awkward phrasing and repetitive sentence structures. Improving the variety of linking words and ensuring clear pronoun reference would enhance the logical flow of the response.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
The vocabulary range is limited and contains several errors in word choice and collocation. Phrases like 'going to download contribution' and 'sky rocketed in over all the decades' are unnatural and imprecise. There is also a tendency to repeat the word 'contribution' frequently. While the vocabulary is sufficient to convey the basic meaning, it lacks the precision and flexibility required for higher bands. You should focus on using more academic collocations and avoiding informal or non-standard phrasing to describe trends.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The response uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede clarity. Issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'Agriculture sector had decline'), incorrect tense usage (e.g., 'had going to'), and awkward sentence construction. Punctuation is also inconsistent, with unnecessary commas and capitalization errors. While the meaning is generally understandable, the high frequency of grammatical slips prevents the writing from reaching a higher band. Focusing on basic sentence construction and tense consistency would be a beneficial next step.
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