Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-05
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 5.5)
The line graph illustrates the data about the number of jobs in four sectors of the US economy from 1960 to 2020.
Overall, the retail and agriculture sectors witnessed the upward trend, while the healthcare sector followed the upward trajectory, but the manufacturing field showed the downward trajectory.
Firstly, the manufacturing sector surged from 15 million jobs in 1960 to 20 million in 1980. The retail sector jumped from 6 million in 1960 to 10 million in 1980. Additionally, the agriculture sector showed a sharp decline and moved from 6 million in 1960 to 3 million in 1980. The healthcare category surpassed the agriculture sector and jumped from 2 million in 1960 to 5 million in 1980.
In addition, the manufacturing sector witnessed the sharp decline in 2000 and stood at 12 million in 2000 while moving to 8 million in 2020 by following the downward trend. Moreover, the retail sector followed an upward trend and moved to 15 million in 2000, while surpassing the manufacturing field in 2020 and climbing to 16 million. Furthermore, the healthcare sector showed steady growth and accounted for 11 million in 2000, but it surpassed the manufacturing class in 2020 and contributed to 16 million at the end of the period. Finally, agriculture remained unchanged in 2000 and stayed at 3 million as compared to 2 million at the end of the period.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 6.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5
The response covers all four sectors and identifies key trends. However, there are significant inaccuracies in the data reporting. For instance, you state the manufacturing sector surged to 20 million by 1980, whereas the graph shows it peaking earlier and declining. Furthermore, you mention agriculture showed a sharp decline to 3 million by 1980, but the graph indicates a more gradual trend. The overview is also slightly inaccurate, as you claim agriculture witnessed an upward trend, which contradicts the visual data showing a decline. To improve, ensure you carefully cross-reference your descriptions with the provided graph to avoid factual errors.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0
The essay is logically organized into paragraphs, with a clear introduction, overview, and body paragraphs. You use cohesive devices such as 'Firstly', 'In addition', and 'Furthermore' to link ideas. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes mechanical, and the referencing is occasionally confusing, particularly when comparing sectors. For example, the transition between the 1960-1980 period and the 2000-2020 period is clear, but the internal flow within paragraphs could be smoother to avoid repetitive sentence structures. Overall, the structure is functional and easy to follow.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using terms like 'upward trajectory', 'surged', and 'accounted for'. However, there is some repetition of basic verbs like 'moved' and 'jumped'. There are also minor inaccuracies in word choice, such as 'manufacturing class' or 'manufacturing field', which are not the most natural collocations in this context. To reach a higher band, try to incorporate more precise academic vocabulary related to trends, such as 'fluctuated', 'plateaued', or 'experienced a marginal increase'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The response uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While most sentences are understandable, there are recurring grammatical errors, such as 'the upward trend' (should be 'an upward trend') and 'contributed to 16 million' (should be 'reached 16 million'). Punctuation is generally correct, but some phrasing is slightly awkward, such as 'by following the downward trend'. The majority of sentences are error-free, but the lack of variety in complex structures limits the score. Focus on using more varied subordinating conjunctions to improve flow.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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