Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-05
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 5.5)
The linear diagram illustrates the number of employment in four various and crucial sector in the United states in the economy from the year 1960 to 2020.
To begin with, in manufacturing sector, there was a dramatic rise from the year in 1960 which wen up till 1980 with employment of 20 million. However, a negative growth was seen from the year 1980 and this trend was followed till the year 2020 with the number of jobs nearly 13.5. On the other hand, an upward trend was witnessed in retail. the number of jobs started from 6 million in 1960 which led to 16 million in 2020.
Furthermore, agriculture sector showed a declined scope as economic development was being achieved in those years. The year 2020 showed only 3.5 million people employed in agriculture sector. The healthcare sector had only 3 million citizen being employed which rose to 5 million, 11 million and 16 million in the years 1980, 2000 and 2020 respectively.
In conclusion, we can say that as united states achieved development, it lost its employment in agriculture sector and in manufacturing sector.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 6.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5
The response covers all four sectors and identifies key trends, such as the decline in agriculture and manufacturing and the growth in retail and healthcare. However, the overview is somewhat weak; it is placed at the end rather than the beginning and lacks a clear summary of the most significant overall trends. While the data points are generally accurate, the description of the manufacturing sector is slightly confusing, as it mentions a rise until 1980 and a decline thereafter, but the specific figures provided are not fully integrated into a cohesive narrative. To improve, ensure the overview highlights the most striking changes across the entire period.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0
The essay is organised into logical paragraphs, with an introduction, body paragraphs for the different sectors, and a conclusion. Cohesive devices such as 'To begin with', 'However', 'On the other hand', and 'Furthermore' are used to link ideas. However, the flow between sentences is occasionally mechanical, and the referencing is sometimes imprecise (e.g., 'this trend was followed'). The conclusion is quite brief and does not fully synthesise the information presented in the body paragraphs. Improving the variety of linking words and ensuring smoother transitions between the data points would enhance the overall coherence.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, allowing the writer to describe trends (e.g., 'dramatic rise', 'upward trend', 'declined scope'). However, there are several instances of awkward phrasing and word choice errors, such as 'linear diagram' (instead of 'line graph'), 'number of employment' (instead of 'number of jobs' or 'employment levels'), and 'citizen being employed'. These errors do not impede communication, but they indicate a limited range of precise academic vocabulary. Expanding the use of collocations related to data description would help elevate the score.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The response uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There are several grammatical errors, including missing articles ('in manufacturing sector', 'in agriculture sector'), incorrect verb forms ('wen up' instead of 'went up'), and punctuation issues (e.g., starting sentences with lowercase letters). While the meaning remains clear, these frequent errors in basic grammar and syntax prevent the writing from reaching a higher band. To improve, focus on proofreading for subject-verb agreement, article usage, and consistent verb tense application when describing historical data.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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