Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-05
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 5.5)
The line chart illustrates the number of occupations in four economical sectors in the US from 1960 to 2020.
Overall, the manufacturing sector figure shows a significant decline, the agriculture sector shows a steady decline. However, retail and healthcare sectors figures rose dramatically throughout the given year.
To begin with, the sector of manufacturing shows some fluctuation, it began from 15 million in 1960, then it increased to 20 million in 1980 and it reduced in 2020 to approximately under 15 million. Likewise, the agricultural industry began from more than 5 million in 1960 and then it dropped to about 2 million and remained steadily until 2020.
Furthermore, the number of jobs in millions of both retail and heathcare sectors rose significantly. The retail industry figure increased from about 2 million in 1960 until it reached its peak in 2020, (about 15 million). The sector of retail figure started from more than 5 million in 1960, and increased to approximately 15 million in 2020.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.0 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.0
The response covers all four sectors and identifies the main trends. However, there are significant inaccuracies in data reporting. For instance, you state the retail sector reached 15 million in 2020, but then repeat this figure for the healthcare sector, which is confusing and inaccurate based on the graph. Additionally, the description of the manufacturing sector as having 'some fluctuation' is vague, and the claim that agriculture remained 'steadily' at 2 million is slightly imprecise. To improve, ensure you carefully cross-reference the data points with the axes and avoid repeating the same figures for different categories, as this misrepresents the information provided in the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The essay is organised into logical paragraphs, with an introduction, an overview, and two body paragraphs. You use cohesive devices such as 'To begin with', 'Furthermore', and 'Likewise' to link ideas. However, the progression within the body paragraphs is sometimes mechanical. The final paragraph is particularly problematic as it repeats information and contains contradictory data points, which disrupts the flow of the argument. Improving the logical connection between sentences and ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a distinct, non-repetitive set of data would enhance the overall coherence of your writing.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using terms like 'economical sectors', 'significant decline', and 'reached its peak'. However, there are some word choice errors, such as 'economical' instead of 'economic' and 'heathcare' (spelling error). The repetition of phrases like 'the sector of... figure' makes the writing feel somewhat limited. To reach a higher band, try to vary your vocabulary by using synonyms for 'increase' and 'decrease' (e.g., 'surged', 'plummeted', 'gradual downward trend') and ensure you use the correct terminology for economic sectors.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0
You use a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors. For example, 'the manufacturing sector figure shows' is clunky; it would be better to say 'the number of jobs in the manufacturing sector'. There are also issues with comma splices, such as 'it began from 15 million in 1960, then it increased...', and minor errors like 'remained steadily' (should be 'remained steady'). While these errors do not prevent the reader from understanding the general message, they occur frequently enough to limit the score. Focus on subject-verb agreement and correct punctuation to improve your accuracy.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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