Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-06

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 4.5)

The report of graph which illustrates the job numbers in different sectors of the US economy between the era of 1960 and 2020 is given in the following paragraphs.

So now , we discussed the numerous job sectors of US economy which includes manufacturing sector, retail sector, agriculture sector and health care sector.so firstly talk about the manufacturing sector it is clearly explained that initially the trend of this sector increases in 1993 but later it decreases gradually until 2020.

Now talk about the retail and healthcare sector so both follows the same way in 1993 demands in both sectors increases gradually until 2020 and follows the same trend.

the remaining one is the agriculture sector. Given graph illustrates that it follow the downgrade from the initial stage and always decreases gradually until 2020. in US economy only two trends are in demand from 1950 to 2020 which are retail and healthcare sector.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 4.0

The response fails to provide a clear overview of the main trends. While it mentions the four sectors, the description of the data is inaccurate and lacks specific figures or comparisons. The student refers to '1993' as a turning point, which is not supported by the provided task context. Furthermore, the summary of the agriculture sector as a 'downgrade' is vague. To improve, you must identify the starting and ending values for each sector and highlight the most significant changes or differences between them, rather than providing a generic description.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 4.5

The essay lacks a logical structure. The introduction is informal and repetitive, and the body paragraphs are poorly organized. The use of cohesive devices is mechanical and often inappropriate, such as starting sentences with 'So now' or 'Now talk about'. There is no clear progression of ideas, and the referencing is confusing. To reach a higher band, you should use formal linking words (e.g., 'In contrast', 'Furthermore', 'Conversely') and ensure that each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the data.

Lexical Resource — Band 4.5

The vocabulary is very limited and repetitive. Phrases like 'increases gradually' and 'follows the same trend' are used repeatedly without variation. There is a lack of precise terminology to describe trends (e.g., 'fluctuated', 'peaked', 'remained stable'). Additionally, the phrasing is often unnatural, such as 'the report of graph' and 'it follow the downgrade'. To improve, focus on learning topic-specific vocabulary related to data analysis and avoid informal conversational fillers.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 4.5

The response contains frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede clarity. There are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'both follows', 'it follow'), incorrect tense usage, and poor punctuation. The sentence structures are simple and lack the complexity required for higher bands. Many sentences are fragmented or run-on. To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence construction, ensuring subjects and verbs agree, and practicing the correct use of tenses when describing past data.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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