Band 4.0 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.0 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-07

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 4.0)

in this graph 1st I see the numbers of jobs divided in four sectors of the economy in US , 1960 to 2020. first I see the jobs start with 0 to 25 millions. The manufacturing company in 1960 hire a 15 millions people but in 1980 20 million peoples connected to this job but in 2000 the ratio of manufacturing company lost its ratio between 15 million to 20 million but in 2020 its ratio lost between 10 million to 15 million . The second number I see the retail jobs that grows for time to time in 1960 it ratios between 5 million to 10 million but in 1980 the ratio is high and consisted on 10 million and the ratio in 2000 the job consist of 15 millions and at last in 2020 the ratio is consisted between 15 million to 20 million. After that I also see the agriculture jobs in US are decreases during the time increases in 1960 it consist of between 5 million to 10 million but in 1980 it decreases and consist of between 0 to 5 million and its 2000 the ratio are same as 1980 but at last in 2020 we see a minor decrease . And at last I see the jobs of health care jobs in US demands very high during the time increases in 1960 it consists only between 0 to 5 million but in 1980 it consist of 5 million and in 2000 it consist of between 10 million to 15 million and at last in 2020 it consist of between 15 million to 20 million.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 4.0

The response attempts to describe the data, but it fails to provide an overview or identify the main trends. The writing is essentially a list of individual data points for each year, which is a mechanical approach rather than an analytical one. There is no attempt to compare the sectors or highlight the most significant changes (e.g., the growth of healthcare versus the decline of agriculture). Furthermore, the information provided is often inaccurate or vague, such as stating that manufacturing 'lost its ratio' or using repetitive phrasing like 'the ratio is consisted'. To improve, you must group data logically and identify the overall trends rather than listing every figure.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 4.0

The response lacks paragraphing, appearing as a single, dense block of text. This makes it difficult to follow the progression of ideas. While there are some basic cohesive devices used, such as 'first', 'the second number', and 'at last', they are used repetitively and mechanically. There is no clear logical structure to the essay; it jumps from one sector to another without a clear introduction or a summary of the main features. The lack of paragraphing and the repetitive nature of the transitions significantly hinder the flow of the response.

Lexical Resource — Band 4.5

The vocabulary is very limited and repetitive. You rely heavily on the word 'ratio' and 'consist of' to describe data points, which is often used incorrectly in this context. There is a lack of variety in reporting verbs or nouns related to trends (e.g., 'fluctuate', 'decline', 'surge', 'plateau'). Phrases like 'connected to this job' and 'demands very high' are unnatural and imprecise. To reach a higher band, you need to use a wider range of vocabulary to describe trends and data, such as 'experienced a downward trend' or 'witnessed a significant increase'.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 4.0

The response contains frequent grammatical errors that often impede clarity. There are consistent issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'agriculture jobs... are decreases', 'the ratio are same'), incorrect verb tenses, and awkward sentence structures. Many sentences are run-on or lack proper punctuation, making the text difficult to parse. There is almost no use of complex sentence structures; the writing is dominated by simple, repetitive clauses. To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence construction, ensuring correct tense usage for past data, and using a variety of sentence types.

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