Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-09

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 6.0)

the line graph illustrate the changes in economical levels [ in millions ] across four different sectors in the us Manufacturing , healthcare, retail and agricultural between year [redacted phone].

Manufacturing and agricultural sector started steadily but then sloped downward while the healthcare sector started with merefraction and rose steadily in the following years. retail sectore showed continue growth until around 2000 before slighty declining there after.

Futhermore the manufacturing sector started with 15 million around 1960 and peaked at 20 million around 1980 but there after dropped sharpely to 13 million in 2020, where as agricultural sector started at 6 million jobs in the year of 1960 and dropped to 4 million in the year of 1980 and repeatedily faced a decline in jobs which goes till 2 million jobs around 2020.

health care was initially on 6 million jobs around 1960 but suprisingly climbed to 10 million jobs in 1980 and peaked to 16 million jobs in the year of 2020 in contrast retail started slowly and grew from 6 million in 1960 to 15 million in 2000 but then leveled off.

notably healthcare tookover reatil and surpassed manufacture around 2020, refelecting a structural shift towards service and and care based emoplyment in the us for over 6 years

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response covers all four sectors and provides data points to support the main trends. However, the overview is somewhat weak; while it attempts to summarize the trends, it lacks a clear, cohesive synthesis of the overall structural shift. The description of the data is generally accurate, but there are minor inaccuracies in the interpretation of the timeline (e.g., mentioning '6 years' at the end, which is irrelevant to the 60-year period). To reach a higher band, ensure the overview highlights the most significant changes—such as the clear divergence between the decline of manufacturing/agriculture and the rise of healthcare—more explicitly at the beginning.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organized into logical paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the progression of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical and occasionally repetitive (e.g., 'started with', 'around 1960'). There are also issues with sentence-level cohesion, such as the run-on sentences in the second paragraph. The transition between the general trends and the specific data points is functional but could be smoother. Improving the variety of linking words and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence would significantly enhance the flow of the response.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

The vocabulary is adequate for the task, allowing the student to describe trends like 'sloped downward', 'peaked', and 'leveled off'. However, there are several spelling errors ('economical' instead of 'economic', 'merefraction', 'sharpely', 'reafil', 'emoplyment') and some awkward phrasing ('tookover reatil'). The range of vocabulary is limited, relying on basic descriptors. To improve, the student should focus on using more precise academic collocations (e.g., 'a significant decline' rather than 'dropped sharpely') and ensure accurate spelling of key terms related to the graph.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The response contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede readability. Issues include missing articles ('the' US, 'the' healthcare sector), subject-verb agreement errors ('the line graph illustrate'), and punctuation mistakes. While the meaning is generally clear, the frequency of these errors prevents the response from reaching a higher band. Focusing on basic sentence construction, proper capitalization of proper nouns, and consistent verb tense usage (past tense for historical data) will help improve the accuracy of the writing.

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