Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-09
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 5.5)
The line graph illustrates information about the employment level (in millions) across all four industries of united states between [redacted phone].
Overall the United States economy has four distinct job industries: Manufacturing, Retail, Agriculture and Healthcare. According to the graph the retail and healthcare industries are rose significantly between the period of 60 years. While the manufacturing and agriculture industry are decreased gradually.
The line graph was peaked at 20 millions jobs employed by manufacturing industry before it falls to 13 million by 2020. Although the retail and healthcare industries has a rose gradually between 1980 to 2020 where both industries are peaked at 15 millions jobs.
In addition the agriculture industry reach 2 millions jobs by 2020 which was peaked at 6 millions jobs in 1960.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.0
The response fails to meet the minimum word count requirement of 150 words, which significantly impacts the task achievement score. While you have identified the main trends, the analysis is quite brief and lacks the depth required for a higher band. You have successfully highlighted the key features, such as the decline in manufacturing and agriculture and the growth in retail and healthcare. However, the lack of sufficient detail and the failure to reach the word count limit mean the task is only partially addressed. To improve, ensure you provide a more comprehensive overview and include more specific data points to support your comparisons, ensuring you meet the length requirement to fully develop your response.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The essay is organized into paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the structure. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical and limited. Phrases like 'In addition' and 'Although' are used, but the flow between sentences could be smoother. The progression of ideas is generally logical, but the brevity of the response makes the overall structure feel underdeveloped. To improve, try to use a wider variety of linking words and ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that connects back to the main trends identified in the introduction.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
The vocabulary used is adequate for the task but lacks the range and precision expected at higher levels. You rely on basic verbs like 'rose' and 'decreased' repeatedly. There are also some errors in word choice and collocation, such as 'the line graph was peaked' (should be 'peaked') and 'industries has a rose' (should be 'industries rose'). To improve, incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary related to trends, such as 'fluctuated', 'plummeted', or 'experienced a steady climb', and ensure correct grammatical forms of these words are used.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
There are several grammatical errors throughout the text that occasionally impede clarity. For example, 'the retail and healthcare industries are rose' is incorrect; it should be 'rose' or 'have risen'. The phrase 'the line graph was peaked' is also grammatically incorrect. You have attempted some complex structures, but they are often marred by errors in tense and passive voice construction. To improve, focus on mastering basic subject-verb agreement and the correct use of past and present perfect tenses when describing data trends. Proofreading for these common errors will help improve your accuracy.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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