Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-09
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 5.5)
this graph illustrates about the information about fluctuation the number of jobs in different sectors of economy in US between 1960 to 2020
Overall, the number of jobs in the sector of manufacturing and agriculture gradually decreases with the passage of time and number of jobs in sector of retail and healthcare increases
In the sector of healthcare the number of jobs in 1960 jumps from 2 million to 5 million in 1990 and in 2000 it increases from 5 million towards 15 million and ends up with 16 million in 2020.In the sector of retail number of jobs also grows from 5 million to 10 million in 1980 and in 2000 it moves towards 15 million and in 2020 it ends ups with 16 million
on other hand sector of manufacturing faces huge deficiency first it grows in 1980 from 15 million towards 20 million and in 2020 it decreases to 14 million and sector of agriculture also faces huge decreases in number of jobs as it starts from 6 million in 1960 and ends with 2 million jobs in 2020
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5
The response covers all four sectors and identifies the main trends. However, the overview is slightly underdeveloped, and the data reporting is sometimes inaccurate or confusing. For instance, the description of the healthcare sector as jumping from 2 to 5 million in 1990, then 5 to 15 million in 2000, is repetitive and lacks a clear comparative focus. The description of manufacturing as having a 'huge deficiency' is an inaccurate interpretation of the data, which shows a fluctuation rather than a deficiency. To reach a higher band, ensure that the overview highlights the most significant trends (e.g., the shift from primary/secondary sectors to service-based sectors) rather than just listing data points.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The response is organized into paragraphs, but the logical progression is weak. The use of cohesive devices is limited and often mechanical, such as the repetitive use of 'in the sector of'. There is a lack of sophisticated linking words to connect the trends between the sectors. The transition between the overview and the body paragraphs is abrupt, and the final paragraph lacks a clear concluding thought or synthesis. Improving the use of referencing (e.g., 'the former', 'the latter') and a wider variety of transition signals would significantly improve the flow and readability of the report.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
The range of vocabulary is limited and repetitive. Phrases like 'number of jobs' and 'in the sector of' are used excessively throughout the text. There are also some inaccuracies in word choice, such as using 'deficiency' to describe a decline in employment numbers, which is not the correct collocation in this context. To improve, you should incorporate more precise verbs and nouns related to trends, such as 'plummeted', 'surged', 'fluctuated', or 'a significant decline'. Expanding your vocabulary to avoid repeating the same phrases will help demonstrate a more flexible range of language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The response relies heavily on simple sentence structures. While there are attempts at complex sentences, they are often marred by grammatical errors, such as missing articles ('in sector of retail') and incorrect preposition usage ('between 1960 to 2020' instead of 'between 1960 and 2020'). Punctuation is also inconsistent, with several run-on sentences and missing commas. The subject-verb agreement is generally maintained, but the overall control of complex structures is limited. Focusing on sentence variety and ensuring correct article usage will help improve the accuracy and sophistication of your writing.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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