Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-11
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 5.5)
The graph illustrates information about the significant increase in jobs of four different sectors of the economy in the US from 1960 to 2020.
Overall, Retail job and health care holds a striking record and surpasses the other two sectors, and also ends up at same record. Whereas Manufacturing initially rises and than fell down at a high proportion, and Agriculture also rather than rises strikes down at a significant proportion.
In Manufacturing, it rises initially from 15 million in 1960, and reached at the high peak of 20 million in 1980, and after this it fell, and goes down to about 14.5 million in 2020. Where as Health care also goes down from 5 million in 1960 to about 2.5 million in 2020.
Whereas, other two sectors Retail, and Healthcare recorded a significant high peak in the economy of the US, in Retail the jobs goes from 5.1 million and ended up at 15 million in 2020, and on the other Healthcare goes from 2.5 million in 1960, and ended up at 15 million in 2020 which is mutual as Retail jobs.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.0 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.0
The response identifies the main features, but there are significant inaccuracies in the data reporting. For example, you state that Healthcare went down from 5 million to 2.5 million, which contradicts the graph, and you confuse the labels for the sectors in your final paragraph. While you attempt to provide an overview, the factual errors regarding the data trends mean you have not fully addressed the task requirements. To improve, ensure you carefully cross-reference your descriptions with the visual data to avoid misrepresenting the information provided.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The essay is organised into paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the structure. However, the use of cohesive devices is often mechanical or misused, such as the repetitive use of 'Whereas' at the start of sentences. The logical progression is hindered by the factual inconsistencies mentioned in the task achievement section, making it difficult to follow the comparison between sectors. Improving the variety of linking words and ensuring that your transitions reflect the actual relationships between the data points would significantly enhance the flow of your writing.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using terms like 'significant increase', 'striking record', and 'proportion'. However, there are frequent word-choice errors and awkward collocations, such as 'strikes down' and 'mutual as Retail jobs'. These errors occasionally cause confusion for the reader. To reach a higher band, focus on using vocabulary that is more precise and natural in the context of describing statistical trends, and ensure you are using the correct terminology for the sectors provided in the graph.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0
The response contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors throughout. Issues include subject-verb agreement ('Retail job and health care holds'), incorrect verb tenses ('than fell down'), and awkward phrasing ('reached at the high peak'). While these errors do not completely prevent communication, they are frequent enough to be distracting. You should focus on mastering basic sentence construction and ensuring consistent verb tenses when describing past data. Proofreading for small errors like prepositions and articles will also help improve your accuracy.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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