Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-11
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 5.5)
The LIne graph depicts changes in different job sectors of the economy in the US, in the year 1960 to 2020.
Overall, it is clear that manufacturing accounted as highest proportion in 1960, whereas both retail and healthcare sector represented more number of jobs by the year of 2020. Surprisingly, there was no such changes seen in agriculture department.
Looking at the first, manufacturing was high in demand from 1960 to 2000, then it keep fell down in the next coming year. interesting, there was significant rose in healthcare sector of economy, which starts from few proportion of jobs to higher demand at the end.
Similarly, the level of jobs in retail places was increased and touched at same level as healthcare section. However, retail and agriculture sector were at same place in the initial year. The proportion of jobs in healthcare and retail cross the manufacturing sector by the last year.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5
The response provides a general overview and identifies key trends, such as the decline in manufacturing and the growth in healthcare and retail. However, the analysis is somewhat superficial and lacks precision. For instance, the statement that there were 'no such changes seen in agriculture' is inaccurate, as the graph shows a clear, albeit slight, downward trend. Furthermore, the description of data points is vague, using terms like 'few proportion' rather than referencing specific values or timeframes. To improve, you should focus on accurately reporting the data provided in the graph and ensuring that comparisons are based on clear evidence from the visual information.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The essay is organised into paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the structure. However, the use of cohesive devices is often mechanical or inaccurate. Phrases like 'Looking at the first' and 'interesting, there was significant rose' are awkward and do not effectively link ideas. The progression of information is sometimes disjointed, particularly in the final paragraph where the comparison between sectors becomes confusing. Improving the variety and accuracy of transition signals (e.g., 'subsequently', 'in contrast', 'meanwhile') would significantly enhance the flow and logical progression of your writing.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
The vocabulary is limited and often imprecise. There are several instances of incorrect word choice and collocation, such as 'accounted as highest proportion' instead of 'accounted for the highest proportion', and 'keep fell down' instead of 'continued to fall'. The use of 'department' to describe an economic sector is also inappropriate. While the vocabulary is sufficient to convey the basic meaning, it lacks the flexibility and precision required for a higher band. You should focus on learning topic-specific collocations related to data description, such as 'a steady decline', 'a sharp increase', or 'remained stable'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The response contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede clarity. Examples include 'represented more number of jobs' (should be 'a higher number of jobs'), 'there was no such changes' (should be 'there were no such changes'), and 'the level of jobs... was increased' (should be 'increased'). Subject-verb agreement and tense consistency are problematic throughout the text. To reach a higher band, you need to demonstrate better control over basic grammar and reduce the frequency of errors in sentence construction.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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