Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-13

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 4.5)

The given graph illustrates the fluctuations of jobs in four sector of the economy in the us between 1960 and 2020. and four sectors are manufacturing , retail, agriculture and at the end healthcare

overall, Healthcare is the sector which dominated while the leading sector is retail moreover other sectors like agriculture and manufacturing lead to down trend .

In 1950, healthcare was accounted at approximately 3 billion and never looked back and in 2020 accounted at 15 million which is also the biggest raise of 13 million moreover agriculture and retail started at the same point approximately 6 million but they both followed the different trend as agriculture sector get fall in which at the end accounted at 2 minion however retail sector get boomed and have the fluctuation of approximately 8 million which was also the leading sector furthermore manufacturing had raise till 1990 approximately 20 million but then it fallen till 12 million.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.0

The student attempts to address the task by summarizing the main features of the graph showing jobs in four US economic sectors between 1960 and 2020. However, there are significant issues with data accuracy and interpretation. For instance, the student states that healthcare was accounted at approximately 3 billion and later 15 million, which contains factual and unit errors regarding the actual data. Furthermore, the overview paragraph is fragmented and placed awkwardly, mentioning that healthcare dominated while retail was the leading sector. While the response identifies some overall trends like the downward trend in agriculture and manufacturing, the lack of accurate data reporting and flawed overview prevent the response from achieving a higher score. It fits the Band 5 descriptor where the task is addressed only partially and key data points are inaccurate or under-developed.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 4.0

The organizational structure of the response is heavily flawed. The text begins with a fragmented introductory sentence split incorrectly by a full stop ('...economy in the us between 1960 and 2020. and four sectors are...'). The overview paragraph is extremely disjointed and poorly connected to the rest of the text. Cohesive devices are used awkwardly or repetitively, such as the excessive use of 'moreover' and run-on sentences joined by 'and' or 'furthermore' without proper punctuation. Paragraphing is attempted, but the internal structure of the body paragraph lacks clear logical progression, resulting in a dense wall of text that is difficult to follow. This demonstrates features of Band 4 to 5, and is best placed at Band 4.0 due to the lack of coherent arrangement and poor punctuation marking sentence boundaries.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.0

The student demonstrates a limited and minimally adequate vocabulary range suitable for describing simple trends, using words like 'fluctuations', 'trend', 'boomed', and 'fallen'. However, there are numerous lexical and collocation errors throughout the response, such as 'lead to down trend' instead of 'led to a downward trend', 'accounted at' instead of 'accounted for' or 'stood at', 'biggest raise' instead of 'largest increase', and 'get fall' or 'get boomed'. Spelling and capitalization errors are also present, notably 'us' instead of 'US' and 'minion' instead of 'million'. These errors cause some difficulty for the reader and reflect the Band 5 descriptor, where vocabulary is limited and noticeable errors occur.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 4.0

The response exhibits a very limited range of grammatical structures, relying heavily on run-on sentences connected by coordinating conjunctions ('and', 'however', 'moreover') and lacking proper terminal punctuation. For example, the entire body paragraph is essentially a single massive run-on sentence with multiple clauses poorly linked together. There are frequent grammatical errors, including tense inconsistencies ('was accounted', 'get fall', 'had raise till... but then it fallen'), missing articles, and preposition errors ('in the us', 'at approximately 3 billion'). The frequency of these errors and the lack of complex sentence control firmly place this performance in Band 4.0, as errors are frequent and occasionally distort meaning.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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