Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-13
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 4.5)
The information about the number of employement in Manufacturing, Retailing, Agriculture, and Healthcare sectors of the economy in United state between 1960 and 2020.
Overall, it is vividly manifested that manufacturing sector had accounted for the highest number of jobs,which declined steadly.In contrast,retailing and Healthcare center experienced a gradually increased throughout the span,while agriculture steadly expereinced a downward trend between 1960 and 2020.
In greate detail,manufacturing had accounted to 15 millions in 1960,which surge to 20 in 1980.subsequently,it then drastically plummeted to 13 milion by the end of the period.
Retailing was around 6 milions and increased to 10 milion in 1980.This flilw was continue to rose over to 15 millions till 2000 and finally it reach to at peak of 16 milions by 2020.
Agriculture can been 2 milions, which increased to 5 milion by 1980.Nevertheless,it showed a steady rose over to 12 million by 2000.Moreover,it followed the same path to reached at peaked to level up the number of employement they provided in the US with Retailing company by the end of time.
In term of healthcare centers, it had initially the similar number of jobs which was approximately 6 milions in 1960.But it expereinced a gradually decreased movement and reached at 3 by 1980,remained the same till 2000 and then slightly fall at 2 milions by 2020.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 4.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 4.0 |
| Overall | 4.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.0
The response attempts to cover all sectors shown in the graph (Manufacturing, Retailing, Agriculture, and Healthcare) and outlines the main trends. However, the opening sentence is grammatically incomplete ('The information about the number of employement in...'), lacking a main verb, and fails to introduce a clear overview of the data. Furthermore, there are several inaccuracies in the reporting of specific data points; for instance, the description of healthcare trends contradicts standard interpretations of the graph by stating it decreased and reached 3 by 1980. While the main features are highlighted, the lack of precision and a proper introductory statement place this performance at Band 5.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.0
The essay is divided into paragraphs, which helps structure the response, but the logical progression and overall flow are frequently disrupted by mechanical and misused cohesive devices. Phrases such as 'In greate detail' and 'by the end of time' sound unnatural. Referencing is sometimes unclear, and the links between sentences often feel forced rather than fluid. Although there is an underlying structure attempting to cover an introduction, overview, and body paragraphs, the execution results in disjointed progression, aligning with Band 5 descriptors.
Lexical Resource — Band 4.0
The vocabulary used is repetitive and basic, with frequent spelling and word-choice errors that occasionally hinder understanding. Examples include 'employement', 'steadly', 'expereinced', 'greate', 'milions', 'surge' (used without tense consistency), 'flilw was continue to rose', and 'peaked'. The range of vocabulary is limited, and attempts at less common words result in significant errors in form and collocation (e.g., 'reach to at peak'). This sits comfortably within Band 4.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 4.0
The response shows a very limited range of grammatical structures, and attempts at complex sentences are almost uniformly faulty. The first sentence is a fragment with no main verb. Frequent tense errors occur, such as mixing past and present forms ('Agriculture can been 2 milions, which increased...') and errors in verb complementation ('continue to rose', 'to reached at peaked'). Punctuation is also weak, with missing spaces after commas and periods. These pervasive errors cause frequent difficulty for the reader, placing the grammar at Band 4.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
Browse more IELTS Writing model answers or get your own writing scored by the same AI examiner.