Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-14

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 4.5)

This graph illustrates the US economy in 1960 and 2020 arround the number of jobs four sectors. These are manufacturing, retail, agriculture, and Healthcare.

Overall, job trends were healthcare, retail, or manufacturing. nevertheless, agriculture were not higher than the others.

In addition, manufacturing the prim reached higest touched 20millions ratio of jobs. However it decreased dramatically after the peak in 1980. In 2020, it reached on 13 millions.

In 2020, the most interesting point where retail and manufacturing having immensive move from an alternative position but rose to the same destination. In the year 1960, health care was in terrible condition, but from1980 to 2000 it saw huge coverage.

Summary clarifying not one is here that are still the same as before,maintaing there place of ecoconomy while other moving higher or lower direction. And one that did not cover their position in trending line agriculture-related jobs

So, in structure, I can state: 1. manufacturing elevated, then moved down.

2. retail in start was low but after time.

3. agriculture: not much struggle economy rate

4. healthcare: gradually increased toward the trend.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 4.5

The response attempts to cover the main features of the graph regarding the number of jobs in four sectors between 1960 and 2020. However, the communication of data is severely hindered by vague and ungrammatical descriptions, such as stating that manufacturing reached '20millions ratio of jobs' or that healthcare was in a 'terrible condition'. Furthermore, the inclusion of a bulleted list and meta-commentary at the end ('So, in structure, I can state...') detracts from standard academic task execution. While the student identifies general trends like the rise and fall of manufacturing and the growth of healthcare, the lack of precise data reporting and the confusing overall overview place this performance at a Band 4.5 level, bridging bands 4 and 5.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 4.0

The organization of the text is quite disjointed and lacks standard paragraph logic for an Academic Task 1 response. The student attempts an introduction, body sentences, and a summary, but also appends an unnumbered list at the end which disrupts the flow. Cohesive devices are used awkwardly or incorrectly, such as 'nevertheless, agriculture were not higher than the others' and 'In addition, manufacturing the prim reached higest'. Paragraphing is not used effectively, as sentences are fragmented and the structural layout breaks conventional academic formatting. Overall, the logical progression is frequently interrupted by confusing transitions and mechanical referencing errors, aligning with Band 4.0 descriptors.

Lexical Resource — Band 4.5

The lexical range is quite limited and heavily repetitive. The student uses basic vocabulary related to the graph, such as 'jobs', 'sectors', 'economy', and 'increase/decrease'. There are numerous word choice errors and awkward collocations throughout the text, including 'immensive move', 'huge coverage', and 'struggle economy rate'. Spelling and morphological issues are also noticeable, such as 'arround', 'higest', and 'millions'. Although the reader can generally deduce the intended meaning regarding the four economic sectors, the frequent vocabulary errors and lack of precision restrict the lexical score to a Band 4.5.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 4.0

Grammatical control is weak, with frequent errors that regularly impede smooth reading. The text contains numerous subject-verb agreement errors, such as 'agriculture were not higher' and 'retail and manufacturing having immensive move'. Sentence structures are frequently broken or malformed, as seen in 'In 2020, the most interesting point where retail and manufacturing having...', which lacks a main verb clause. Punctuation and capitalization are also erratic. While there are a few simpler sentences that are mostly correct, the high frequency of grammatical errors across both simple and attempted complex structures firmly places this performance at Band 4.0.

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