Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-19
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 4.5)
The bar chart provides detailed about the empolyment in four sectors of the economy in Us from 1960 to 2020. overall,Manufacturing was highests in start and then they followed lower trend.Rail and healthcare was increase with passage of time.agriculture was first one who almost same with some fluctuations. Manufacturing were provided 15 millions job in 1960 which was highest in this year.And then they rose jobs about 20 million in 1980.manufacturing were dramatic fell down approximately 15 millions in 2020. Retail and agriculture had given almost 5 million empolyment in 1960.furthermore,retail had suddenly rose 15 millions job opportunity 2000 and it remain same in 2020.agriculture fell down gradually with passagr of time just 5 million in 2020. Health care had provided almost 2 millions jobs 1960 and it dominant with time period . they ghad given just around 15 millions in 2020.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 4.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 4.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 4.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 4.5 |
| Overall | 4.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 4.5
The response attempts to summarise the main features of the graph, but it contains several inaccuracies regarding the data. For example, the student states that retail and agriculture had almost 5 million employment in 1960, whereas agriculture started at 6 million and retail at 6 million. More importantly, the response falls below the minimum word count requirement of 150 words, coming in at 142 words. Although an overview is attempted, the inaccurate reporting of figures and failure to meet the length requirement prevent a higher score.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 4.0
The text suffers from poor paragraphing and a lack of clear overall progression. The writing is clumped together into unorganised blocks with repetitive transitions and erratic punctuation spacing. Cohesive devices are either missing or misused, making it difficult to follow the logical development of ideas. For instance, sentences like 'overall,Manufacturing was highests in start and then they followed lower trend' lack proper linkage and clear referencing.
Lexical Resource — Band 4.5
The vocabulary used is very basic and contains numerous spelling and word-choice errors, such as 'empolyment', 'highests', 'empolyment', and 'passagr'. The student attempts some task-specific vocabulary related to economic sectors, but control is weak, and word forms are frequently incorrect (e.g., 'manufacturing were dramatic fell down'). The range is limited and frequently impedes the reader's understanding.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 4.5
Grammatical control is weak throughout the response, with frequent basic errors in subject-verb agreement, tense usage, and sentence structure. Examples include 'Retail and agriculture had given almost 5 million empolyment' and 'manufacturing were dramatic fell down'. Simple sentences dominate, and attempts at more complex structures are inaccurate. Punctuation and capitalization are also heavily flawed.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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