Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-22
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 4.5)
The line graph shows the number of jobs in the US from 1960 to 2020.
Overall, the graph shows the number of jobs between 1960 and 2020 in four sectors such as manufacturing, retail, agriculture, and healthcare. Healthcare and retail sectors showed an upward trend throughout the period whereas manufacturing and agriculture decreased.
To commence with, 1960 healthcare jobs increased in the US sectors of the economy number of jobs increased by 3 millon jobs healthcare and in 1980 jobs increased up to 5 million. In 2000 healthcare jobs increased up to 11 million, it was a significant difference in 2000. In 2020 jobs in healthcare sectors inclined up to 16 million, it was a huge difference in 2020. Retail sector also showed an upward trend.
In 1960 jobs grew and reached 10 million in 1980. In 2000 jobs grew up to 5 million and between the years 2000 and 2020 jobs increased minimally by one million.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 4.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 4.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 4.5 |
| Overall | 4.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 4.5
The student attempts to cover the main features of the graph, identifying general trends such as the upward trajectory of healthcare and retail and the downward trend of manufacturing and agriculture. However, the data reporting is severely flawed and confusing, particularly in the body paragraphs. For instance, the discussion of the healthcare sector mentions that in 1960 'jobs increased by 3 millon jobs healthcare and in 1980 jobs increased up to 5 million', which is factually incorrect and difficult to follow. Furthermore, the final paragraph attempts to describe the retail sector but misinterprets the figures entirely, stating that 'in 2000 jobs grew up to 5 million' when retail actually reached 15 million in 2000. Because of these significant inaccuracies in data reporting and a lack of clear comparison between all four sectors, the task response is underdeveloped and falls short of higher band requirements.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 4.5
The response is structured into an introduction, an overview, and body paragraphs, showing an attempt at paragraphing. However, the logical progression within the body paragraphs breaks down completely due to confusing sentence structures and abrupt transitions. For example, the transition 'To commence with, 1960 healthcare jobs increased in the US sectors of the economy...' is extremely clumsy and ungrammatical. Cohesive devices are either misused or absent, and referencing is faulty, making it hard for the reader to track which sector or year is being discussed. Paragraphing is attempted, but internal cohesion is weak, resulting in a disjointed and difficult-to-follow text.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.0
The vocabulary used is very basic and repetitive, heavily relying on simple words like 'jobs', 'sectors', 'economy', 'increased', and 'up'. There are very few attempts at less common lexical items, and those that are attempted often suffer from awkward collocation or repetition (e.g., 'healthcare sectors inclined up to 16 million'). Word choice errors, such as using 'inclined' instead of 'increased' or 'rose', detract from the clarity. Spelling is mostly accurate, but the overall lexical range is strictly limited and minimally adequate for the task.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 4.5
The student demonstrates a very limited range of grammatical structures. Most sentences are simple or attempt complex forms that are severely flawed, ungrammatical, or incomplete (e.g., 'In 1960 healthcare jobs increased in the US sectors of the economy number of jobs increased by 3 millon jobs healthcare and in 1980 jobs increased up to 5 million'). There are frequent structural errors, run-on sentences, and poor punctuation throughout the text. These frequent errors cause considerable difficulty for the reader and impede clear communication of the data.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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