Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-24
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 4.5)
This line chart illustrates the information about the categories of employment in four different sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
overll, looking at the data the retail sector had provided the highest numbers of jobs and the citizens of US are not interested doing a job in agriculture sector.
Firstly, in the beginning the agriculture department hag provided largest numbers of employment about 15 miilions in 1960 afterwards it significantly increased. In 1980 to onwards it steadily decline and in 2020 there was only 13 millions. Moreover the agriculture sector had second highest percentage in 1960 is just about 6 millions and after that it steadily ecelerated and remained stabled in between 1980 to 2000 and had a small dip and it became 3 millions of jobs in 2020.
Furthermore,the retail department had 5 million of jobs in 1960 then it was rapidly grew up without fluctuations and in 2020 it provided almost above 15 millions of employment. In contrast, the healthcare had lowest emplyment rate in 1960 and then it steadily rose up and also had a 16 millions of employment in 2020 repectively.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 4.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 4.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.0 |
| Overall | 4.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0
The student attempts to cover the main features of the line graph, but there are severe data misinterpretations and confusion regarding the sectors. For instance, the student states that 'the agriculture department had provided largest numbers of employment about 15 millions in 1960', whereas the graph clearly shows that Manufacturing was at 15 million in 1960 while Agriculture started much lower and declined. Furthermore, the descriptions confuse Manufacturing and Agriculture throughout the response, such as claiming Manufacturing became 3 million in 2020. There is an overview attempted at the beginning, but the inaccuracies in reporting the data significantly undermine the task response. Consequently, the score reflects a limited and inaccurate treatment of the visual information.
Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0
The response is divided into paragraphs, starting with an introduction, an overview paragraph (though misspelled as 'overll'), and body paragraphs. However, logical progression is severely disrupted by the factual confusion between categories. Cohesive devices such as 'Firstly', 'Moreover', and 'In contrast' are used, but referencing is frequently unclear due to the mix-up of data series. Paragraphing is attempted, but the overall mechanical and faulty cohesion combined with poor referencing limits the structural clarity. The lack of accurate data correlation between sentences makes the progression difficult to follow.
Lexical Resource: Band 4.5
The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, with noticeable errors in word choice and spelling, such as 'overll', 'ecelerated', 'stabled', and 'repectively'. The student attempts some less common vocabulary items like 'significantly increased' and 'fluctuations', but misuse of terms and severe confusion regarding sector names ('agriculture department' instead of manufacturing) restrict the lexical range. These errors cause noticeable strain and difficulty for the reader in understanding which economic sector is actually being described.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0
The student uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, but control over grammar and punctuation is weak. There are frequent errors in verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and prepositions, such as 'were not interested doing', 'steady decline', and 'it was rapidly grew up'. Punctuation is also careless in places. While some sentences are understandable, the high frequency of grammatical inaccuracies causes frequent disruption to the reading process, placing the response firmly at band 5.0.
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