Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-26

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 4.5)

The graph illustrats the number of jobs in fours different departments of the economy in usa between 1969 to 2920

there is a two countries which show more fluctuation in contributing the economy from 1960 to 2020.and one is countributing in decresing and the other one shows gradual trends.

retail and healthcare show more fluctuation by increasing economy.retail in 1960 had just above 5 millions jobs.which goes all the way up and reaches to just above 15 million.similarly healtcare was below 5 millons and goes upwards just above 15 millions.

agriculture also provided just above 5 million jobs in 1960 and it goes down in 2020 around 2 millions.if we talk about manufacturing it was 15 millions in 1960 and it grows 20 millions in 1980 but after that it dramtically redused to below 15 millions.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

The response fails to meet the minimum length requirement of 150 words, containing only 136 words. Content-wise, the overview is confused and inaccurate, stating that 'there is a two countries which show more fluctuation'. The selection of data is erratic, with several inaccurate figures and misinterpretations of the trends (e.g., claiming agriculture provided just above 5 million jobs in 1960 when it was around 6 million, and misreading the dates as '1969 to 2920'). While some main features are touched upon, the overall response lacks a clear overview and accurate reporting of the data, leading to a score in the lower range.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

The text suffers from significant structural and mechanical issues. Paragraphing is extremely poor, with the entire body of the text lumped into a single block alongside introductory fragments. Sentences run together without proper punctuation or capitalization, such as 'jobs.which goes all the way up' and '2020.if we talk about manufacturing'. Cohesive devices are either missing or misused, making it difficult to follow a logical progression throughout the essay. The overall organization falls well short of clear paragraphing standards.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

The lexical range is very limited and repetitive. The student relies heavily on basic vocabulary and struggles with appropriate word choice and spelling, writing 'illustrats' instead of illustrates, 'departments' instead of sectors, 'healtcare', and 'dramtically redused'. Collocations are unnatural throughout the response, such as 'increasing economy' or 'contributing in decresing'. While the vocabulary is sufficient to convey a vague topic, frequent spelling and word-choice errors impede communication.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

Grammatical control is weak, with frequent and severe errors. There is a total lack of standard capitalization and punctuation, and basic subject-verb agreement is violated frequently, as seen in 'there is a two countries which show'. Complex sentence structures are attempted but are heavily flawed and ungrammatical. Simple sentences often contain punctuation splices or fragments. The density of errors causes significant difficulty for the reader.

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