Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-26

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 4.5)

The given graph illustrates change in jobs distiribution in 4 sectors of the economy in the between 1960 and 2020

In 1960 15 million people were employed in Manufacturing sector whereas more than 5 million people were employed in both agriculture and retail sector [each]

and lowest was in healthcare sector around 2.5 million only had jobs in this sector

now shift to 1980 after 2 decades manufacturing remains at the top producing around 20 million jobs and even showed growth compare to 1960 retail sector also showed growth producing 10 millions job whereas agriculture went into decline producing around 3 millions jobs which was less than previous stats we can see healthcare showing significantly good growth producing about 5 millions jobs

now shift to our 2000 where manufacturing sector still remains at the to producing jobs around 17 millions lest than previous 2 decades we can retail sector growing more producing around 15 millions jobs better than previous decades we can see agriculture maintaing stablise growth whereas health care boomed to another level producing around 12 millions job

in 2020 we can see manufacturing sectore decline very much producing around less tahn 15 millions jobs wheres as retail sector and healthcare sectore are in same ratio producing around 17 million job and agriculture is stable again in this graph we who that healthacre boomed to another level whereas manufacturing kept declining after evry decades

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

The student attempts to address all parts of the task by reporting data across the four sectors over the specified decades, meeting the minimum word count of 150 words. However, the response suffers from notable inaccuracies in reading the data from the graph; for instance, stating that in 1960 retail was around 5 million and healthcare was 2.5 million when the visual actually shows retail at 6 million and healthcare at 2 million. Furthermore, there is no distinct overview statement provided, which is a key requirement for Academic Task 1. The conclusion merely repeats fragments rather than synthesising the main trends. Overall, the response fulfills the basic function of reporting features, but data errors and the lack of an overview place it firmly in Band 5.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

The response exhibits severe issues with paragraphing, punctuation, and overall structure. The text is written as a series of block paragraphs with a complete absence of terminal punctuation and proper capitalisation (e.g., sentences run into one another with conversational transitions like 'now shift to 1980' and 'now shift to our 2000'). While there is a chronological progression attempted, the mechanical and repetitive linking phrases ('we can see', 'producing around') fail to create a cohesive and professional academic tone. Paragraphing is not used effectively to separate years or trends cleanly, resulting in a confusing layout. Cohesion is therefore faulty and mechanical, matching the Band 4 descriptors.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

The vocabulary used is repetitive and basic, relying heavily on a narrow range of verbs and nouns such as 'producing', 'sector', 'growth', and 'decline'. There are several spelling mistakes throughout the text, including 'distiribution', 'maintaing', 'stablise', 'sectore', 'tahn', and 'evry'. The student attempts some less common vocabulary like 'boomed' and 'decline', but the constant lexical repetition and word-formation errors constrain the range. Although communication is not entirely blocked, the frequency of lexical errors and limited variety restrict the score to Band 5.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.0

Grammatically, the response is very weak due to major punctuation and structural deficiencies. The student fails to use full stops, commas, or capital letters correctly, resulting in a series of long, run-on sentences with clauses incorrectly spliced together (e.g., 'retail sector also showed growth producing 10 millions job whereas agriculture went into decline producing around 3 millions jobs which was less than previous stats'). There are numerous grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ('manufacturing remains at the top producing around 20 million jobs and even showed growth') and pluralisation errors ('millions job'). Complex sentence forms are attempted but are consistently faulty, justifying a Band 4.

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