Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-26
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 4.5)
The Graph illustrate the Number of jobs in four sector of economy in the US in the time period of sixty years. The manufacturing secror suid up very high in between 1960 and 1980 which is considered as a really good growth,but after the time period it started to decrease till 2020. Talking about retail it has been done also impressive massive upward trend with 10millions job within time period of fourty years from 1960 to 2000 add moreover it does not break the level but go side wise till 2020. We can see impressive growth in agriculture field with huge jobs giver from 1960 to 2020 . Health care sector is also lacking over the time period of first 20 years , with completly following straight line parttern till last date of graph shows .
how ever the graph shows very informative data over US number of jobs.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 4.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 4.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 4.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 4.5 |
| Overall | 4.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5
The response attempts to summarise the main features of the graph, mentioning manufacturing, retail, agriculture, and healthcare. However, the student misinterprets several key trends from the visual data. For example, agriculture is described as having 'impressive growth' and being a 'huge jobs giver', whereas the graph clearly shows a steady decline from 6 million down to 2 million jobs. Additionally, the description of healthcare as 'lacking over the time period of first 20 years, with completly following straight line parttern' misreads the steady upward curve visible in the data. Furthermore, the response falls just short of the 150-word minimum at 149 words, which impacts task completion. Consequently, the task achievement is limited by factual inaccuracies and under-developed reporting.
Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0
The organisational structure of the essay is extremely weak. The entire response consists of a single, poorly structured body paragraph with an isolated, fragmented concluding sentence ('how ever the graph shows very informative data over US number of jobs'). There is a lack of clear paragraphing to separate different economic sectors or ideas. Cohesive devices are either missing or misused, with clumsy transitions like 'Talking about retail' and 'add moreover'. Progression throughout the text is difficult to follow because ideas jump between sectors without a logical sequencing or clear overview. Overall, the arrangement of information lacks adequate cohesion and coherent structure.
Lexical Resource: Band 4.5
The vocabulary used is very basic and often inaccurate or inappropriate for an academic task. Examples of inadequate word choices include 'secror suid up' (surged up), 'jobs giver', and spelling errors such as 'completly' and 'parttern'. While the student attempts some less common terms like 'massive upward trend' and 'impressive growth', these are frequently misapplied to the wrong data trends, such as describing the plummeting agricultural sector as growing. The lexical range is narrow, repetitive, and contains frequent errors that occasionally impede understanding.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5
The grammatical range is severely limited, consisting mostly of awkward simple or poorly constructed complex sentences. There are frequent, persistent errors in punctuation, capitalization, and subject-verb agreement, such as 'The Graph illustrate' and 'retail it has been done also impressive'. Sentence boundaries are poorly managed, resulting in run-on phrasing and fragmented structures. While some simple sentences are understandable, the high frequency of grammatical and mechanical errors significantly disrupts readability and restricts the score to the lower bands.
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