Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-27

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 4.5)

The graph illustrates the proportion of jobs (measured in millions) in four economical areas of U.S. from 1960 to 2020. The areas are Manufacturing, Retail, Agriculture and Healthcare.

Overall in the field of Manufacturing, an urge has been seen in year 1980 whereas minimum percentage of jobs can be observed in 2020.Retail and Agriculture has started from lower percentage and a huge rise in number of jobs.

Manufacturing sector continued to gain its peak from 1960 to 1980. After that it started decline till 2020. on the other hand in Retail ,approx 6 million of people had taken jobs that has increased to 15 million in 2020.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

The response fails to meet the minimum word count requirement of 150 words, coming in at only 107 words. This under-length severely limits the student's ability to fully select, report, and compare all the main features of the graph. While the writer attempts an overview and mentions several sectors such as Manufacturing, Retail, and Agriculture, the information is disjointed and incomplete (e.g., Healthcare is missing from the body text and overview). Furthermore, some data points are inaccurate or poorly expressed, such as the claim that Manufacturing gained its peak from 1960 to 1980 and then declined, which is only partially accurate, or the confusing statement about Retail and Agriculture. Consequently, Task Achievement is penalised for insufficient length and partial coverage of the task.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

The response is heavily fragmented, featuring very short, disjointed paragraphs and abrupt transitions between ideas. The overview is awkwardly placed and combined with specific data points rather than standing as a distinct introductory summary. Cohesive devices are used minimally and sometimes incorrectly, such as 'Overall in the field of Manufacturing, an urge has been seen...' and 'on the other hand in Retail...'. Paragraphing is not used effectively to structure the essay logically. While some basic logical sequencing is attempted, the overall arrangement lacks clear progression and cohesion is frequently faulty.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

The vocabulary used is basic and frequently inappropriate for an academic task. For instance, the student uses 'proportion of jobs' when the data represents absolute numbers in millions, writes 'economical areas' instead of 'economic sectors', and uses the strange collocation 'an urge has been seen' instead of 'a peak' or 'an increase'. Other lexical errors include 'percentage' used incorrectly for absolute numbers of jobs. While there is a modest attempt to use less common vocabulary, inaccuracies in word choice and collocation are frequent and occasionally impede communication.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The student attempts a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but control over grammar is weak. There are several noticeable grammatical errors and awkward phrasings, such as 'Retail and Agriculture has started from lower percentage and a huge rise in number of jobs' (missing verbs and subject-verb agreement issues) and 'approx 6 million of people had taken jobs that has increased'. Punctuation and spacing are also problematic, as seen in missing spaces after periods and unnecessary double spaces. These errors cause difficulty for the reader at times, placing the grammar firmly in the lower bands.

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