Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-28
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 4.5)
The graph demonstrates the note about the numbers of employments in different four sectors of the economy in the united states between 1960 and 2020.
Overall,the healthcare sector shutup constantly through 1930 until 2020 with 15 millions of numbers.on the contrary agriculture has a 5 to 6 million numbers in 1960 which declines to 0 to 1 millions proportion in 2020.
Healthcare sector plays a vital role through the year 1960 to 2020 with having a highest ratio among the other three sectors contributing 15 millions number until 2020. Moreover, retail sectors also shutup with 7 million in 1960 to slightly above to 15 millions in 2020.
On contrast,manufacturing sectors had flucttucated over the priod of time by 15 million in initial period,adding 20 millions proportion in year 1980 and the rapidly decresed in 2020 with below 15 million in number.Meanwhile agriculture sector contributes least proportion with 1 to 2 millions of number,in initial stage it contributes 6 millions in 1960.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 4.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 4.0 |
| Overall | 4.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0
The student attempts to cover the main features of the graph, outlining trends in all four sectors from 1960 to 2020. However, there are numerous inaccuracies in the reporting of specific data points. For example, the text states that healthcare started around 1930 (which is outside the graph timeframe) and that agriculture declined to 0 to 1 million in 2020 (whereas the actual figure is approximately 2 million). Furthermore, the overview is rather vague and contains factual errors regarding the starting points. While the overall trends are identified, the lack of precision and data misreadings limit the effectiveness of the response, placing it solidly in Band 5.
Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0
The essay attempts to structure information with an introduction, an overview paragraph, and body paragraphs detailing the sectors. However, paragraphing is poorly handled, with ideas jumbled together rather than logically grouped. Cohesive devices are used awkwardly or inaccurately, such as starting a sentence with 'On contrast' instead of 'In contrast', and relying on repetitive connectors. The logical progression between sentences is frequently disrupted by awkward phrasing and confusing transitions, leading to a mechanical and sometimes difficult-to-follow structure that aligns with Band 5 descriptors.
Lexical Resource: Band 4.0
The vocabulary range is limited and frequently unnatural or inappropriate for an academic task. Words like 'shutup' (used to mean shoot up or surge) and 'proportion' are misused in this context. The student struggles with basic collocation and word choice, writing 'numbers of employments' instead of 'number of jobs' or 'employment figures'. While some basic economic terms are attempted, the high frequency of lexical errors and unnatural phrasing ('highest ratio among the other three sectors') restricts the score to Band 4.0.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.0
The response displays a very limited range of grammatical structures, and simple sentences are frequently marred by basic errors. There are frequent issues with subject-verb agreement and tense consistency, such as 'agriculture has a 5 to 6 million numbers in 1960 which declines' and 'manufacturing sectors had flucttucated over the priod of time'. Punctuation is also problematic, notably missing spaces after commas (e.g., 'Overall,the'). The high frequency of grammatical and mechanical errors causes noticeable strain for the reader, fitting the Band 4 descriptor.
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