Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-28
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 4.5)
The bar graph depicts the information about the number of work in sectors name:manufacturig,retail,agriculture,heathcare of the economy in between 1960 and 2020 in the america .
Overview, there were highest jobs in the sector retail and healthcare as compared to others , whereas the least jobs were found in agriclture sector.
In 1960, the number of jobs were 15 million in manufacturing which was increased by 5 million and reached at 20 in 1980.In 1960 agriculture and retail both were same at 6million and job started increasing in retail field at reached at 15 million from 6 milion in 2000. Moreover ,in 2020 both fields retail and agricuture was on place same at 16 million . During the year between 1980 and 2000 both were rising gradually.
In the manufacturing sector initially it was increasing but in 2000 and 2020 it started falling down and reached at 14 million,whereas as compared to all fields the number of jobs in us in agriculture was very least and it was nearby 5 millon which fall down ans stabled at 3 million in between the years 1980,2000,2020
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 4.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 4.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 4.5 |
| Overall | 4.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5
The student attempts to cover all four sectors mentioned in the graph, but there are several factual inaccuracies and misreadings of the data. For example, the student states that 'in 2020 both fields retail and agricuture was on place same at 16 million', whereas agriculture actually dropped to around 2 million while retail reached 16 million. Similarly, manufacturing is reported as reaching 14 million in 2020 when the graph shows approximately 13 million. Furthermore, the overview is somewhat confused, claiming that retail and healthcare had the highest jobs initially, which contradicts the 1960 data where manufacturing was highest at 15 million. While the response contains an overview and reports some data, the numerous misinterpretations prevent it from achieving a higher band score.
Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0
The response is divided into paragraphs, including an introduction with a basic overview, and body sections. However, the logical progression is weak and ideas are often jumbled together within the same paragraph. Cohesive devices are used awkwardly or repetitively, such as 'whereas as compared to all fields' and 'moreover'. Referencing is also confusing at times, such as 'both fields retail and agricuture' or 'both were rising gradually' where the antecedents are unclear. Paragraphing structure needs significant improvement to ensure a smoother flow of information.
Lexical Resource: Band 4.5
The student uses a limited range of vocabulary with frequent errors in word choice, spelling, and collocation. Examples include 'manufacturig' (manufacturing), 'heathcare' (healthcare), 'agriclture' (agriculture), 'work in sectors name', and 'very least'. The misuse of vocabulary frequently impedes clarity, such as stating that jobs 'was on place same'. While there are attempts to use vocabulary related to graphs (e.g., 'increasing', 'falling down', 'gradually'), the persistent errors restrict the score to this band.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5
The response displays a very limited range of grammatical structures. Simple sentences dominate, and attempts at complex or compound sentences often result in severe structural errors and poor punctuation, such as 'In 1960 agriculture and retail both were same at 6million and job started increasing in retail field at reached at 15 million from 6 milion in 2000.' Subject-verb agreement and tense consistency are major issues throughout the text (e.g., 'both fields retail and agricuture was on place same', 'the number of jobs were'). Errors occur frequently and often cause difficulty for the reader.
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