Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-28
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 4.5)
The graph illustreats the information about the expendutre in the US of the jobs in four sectors bewteen 1960 to 2020.
Overall, in this period manufacturing experince a vast amount of job while, healthcare start at the least followby others but the end of this period achive in the top proportion in this four catagories. Moreover, agriculture decline the all over the time, whereas, retail flactuated over the period and end the period achive similer proportion like healthcare.
In 1960, manufacturing jobs accounted large at 15 percentage of this sectors of the economy, while, retail and agriculture start at the same point merely 6 Proportion whereas, health care faced a decrease start with lowest in roughly 3 percentage in this year.
In 1980, Manufacturing accounted the dramaticaly increase at 20 % , in the mean time retaile follow gradually increase nearly 10%. Moreover, helthcare experience rapid change solely 5% whereas, agriculture dramaticaly decline over the year and achive lowest economy of this four sectors.
In sum up, between 2000 and 2020, healthcare and retaile following the upward trend account large of econmoy in this time nearly 15% to 16% and 12% to 15%. Moreover, agriculture follows the downward trend only 3% in this time.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 4.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 4.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 4.5 |
| Overall | 4.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5
The student attempts to cover the main trends in the four economic sectors over the period from 1960 to 2020. However, there are significant factual misinterpretations of the data provided in the graph. For instance, the text claims that healthcare 'faced a decrease start with lowest in roughly 3 percentage', whereas the visual data clearly shows healthcare starting at 2 million and rising steadily to reach the highest point of 16 million by 2020. Additionally, the unit of measurement is confused, frequently referred to as a 'percentage' rather than millions of jobs. While an overview is attempted, the inaccuracies in reporting specific trends and figures limit the effectiveness of the task response.
Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0
The response is divided into logical paragraphs, including an introduction, an overview, and body paragraphs dedicated to specific time periods. However, the progression of ideas is frequently disrupted by awkward transitions and confusing cohesion. Phrases like 'in the mean time retaile follow gradually increase' and 'In sum up' are poorly executed and non-standard. Referencing and cohesive devices are often mechanical or inaccurate, which impedes the smooth reading of the text. Paragraphing is attempted but internal coherence suffers from dense grammatical errors.
Lexical Resource: Band 4.5
The vocabulary used is very limited and contains numerous spelling and word-choice errors, such as 'illustreats', 'expendutre', 'experince', 'catagories', 'flactuated', and 'retaile'. The student attempts to use less common vocabulary like 'proportion' and 'dramaticaly', but these are frequently misused or confused with other terms, such as misinterpreting the vertical axis units as percentages. The range is barely adequate to communicate the basic topic, and lexical errors frequently cause strain for the reader.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5
The response displays a very limited range of grammatical structures, and simple sentences are frequently constructed with major errors. There are persistent tense inconsistencies, subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'manufacturing experince', 'healthcare start'), and missing articles or prepositions. Complex sentences are attempted but are almost always faulty, such as 'wherease, retail flactuated over the period and end the period achive similer proportion like healthcare.' These frequent errors cause considerable difficulty for the reader throughout the text.
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