Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-28
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 4.5)
The line graphs tracks the number of jobs in four sectors of economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
To begin with the number of jobs in the manufacturing sector which is highest in proportion among the rest. From 1960 to 1980, this sector shows the steady rise in the number and gradually the number of jobs fall down from 20 million to 12 million. However, the proportion of jobs in retail and healthcare sectors are considerably reaches a peak from 5 million to more than 15 million.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 4.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 4.5 |
| Overall | 4.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0
The response fails to meet the minimum word count requirement of 150 words, stopping abruptly at only 89 words. Consequently, the overview and data presentation are severely incomplete. The student mentions manufacturing, retail, and healthcare, but omits agriculture entirely. Furthermore, the description of the trends contains inaccuracies, such as stating that manufacturing jobs fell from '20 million to 12 million' (the graph shows a drop to around 13 million by 2020) and confusing the scales and movements for retail and healthcare. Due to the significant under-length and incomplete reporting of main features, the task is only partially addressed.
Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0
The text lacks clear overall progression and logical paragraphing. The response begins with a fragmented introduction and moves straight into a second paragraph that attempts to cover multiple sectors at once without clear separation or logical linking. Cohesive devices are used awkwardly or incorrectly, such as the phrase 'To begin with the number of jobs in the manufacturing sector which is highest in proportion among the rest', which results in a fragment rather than a fully formed introductory sentence. The relationships between ideas are not always clear, and the lack of a proper concluding overview further limits the coherence of the piece.
Lexical Resource: Band 5.0
The vocabulary used is relatively basic and repetitive, with noticeable errors in word choice and collocation. Examples include 'tracks the number of jobs in four sectors of economy' (missing an article), 'steady rise in the number and gradually the number of jobs fall down', and 'the proportion of jobs in retail and healthcare sectors are considerably reaches a peak'. These errors in word form and verb choice show a limited and insecure control of lexical items, occasionally causing minor strain for the reader, though the topic is still generally discernible.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5
The response displays a very limited range of sentence structures, and attempts at complex or longer sentences are frequently flawed. Grammatical errors are numerous relative to the short length of the text. Examples of errors include subject-verb agreement issues ('The line graphs tracks', 'proportion of jobs... are considerably reaches'), missing articles ('four sectors of economy'), and incomplete grammatical structures such as starting sentences with dependent clauses or fragments ('To begin with the number of jobs...'). These frequent errors hinder readability and demonstrate weak control over basic and complex grammatical forms alike.
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