Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-29

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 4.5)

This chart shows four different sectors of jobs including manufacturing, retail, agriculture and healthcare in USA between 1960 and 2020.

Manufacturing is the highiest sector. It raised 15 millions job in 1960 and increased in 1980 as 20 milliions jobs announced . But it gradually decreased in 2020.

secondly, retail sector rapidly increased in the economy of USA from 1960 to 2020. As this aportment anounces 15 millions job in 2020. Agriculture department also play big role in the conomy of USA as retail department.

Healhcar department is not increased through the yers between 1960 to 2020. It start from 5 millions and dreases in 2020 to almost 2 millions job.

overall manufacturing, agriculture and retail are the largest sectors who play an important role in the economy of USA. While health dpartment remain the same.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

The response attempts to cover the main trends in the four economic sectors, noting manufacturing, retail, and healthcare movements, but contains significant factual errors regarding the visual data. For instance, the student states that 'Healhcar department is not increased through the yers', whereas the graph clearly shows a substantial rise from 2 million to 16 million jobs. Furthermore, the overall length is 136 words, which fails to meet the minimum requirement of 150 words, leading to a direct penalty under Task Achievement. While an overview is attempted at the end, the misinterpretation of key trends and the under-length nature of the response limit the score.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0

The essay attempts a paragraph structure with an introduction, body sections, and an overall summary. However, the organisation lacks clear overall progression, and the transitions between ideas feel abrupt and mechanical. For example, using 'secondly' introduces a list format that is not consistently followed, and referencing is frequently unclear (e.g., confusing departments and job counts). Paragraphing is attempted, but the paragraphs are very short and underdeveloped, impeding the overall logical flow of the response.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

The vocabulary used is very limited and repetitive, relying on basic terms such as 'sector', 'jobs', 'increased', and 'decreased'. There are also numerous spelling and word-choice errors, such as 'highiest' (highest), 'aportment' (department), 'anounces' (announced/amounts to), and 'Healhcar' (Healthcare). Less common lexical items are attempted but used inaccurately, which occasionally causes strain for the reader and restricts the lexical score to the lower bands.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The student attempts a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but control is weak, leading to frequent grammatical and punctuation errors. Examples of inaccurate structures include 'It raised 15 millions job' (incorrect verb choice and pluralisation) and 'While health dpartment remain the same' (missing article and subject-verb agreement error). Tense usage is also inconsistent when discussing past data from 1960 to 2020. These frequent errors disrupt readability.

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