Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-29
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 4.5)
The line graph illustrates the information about numbers of jobs. It was define in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020 respectively.
Firstly, the manufacturing jobs was the 15 millons job in 1960 respectively. It was the inclaind for the 20 millons job in 1960. After that it was declaind in the year of 2000, for the around 15 millons jobs. It was again decrese in the year of 2020, for the around 10 millons jobs. The retail sector has a around 5 millons job in 1960. The retail sector jobs was the increase in every year. In the yaer of 2000 it was 15 millons jobs after that it was small increase in 2020.
Secondly, agriculture sectors has become around 5 millons jobs in 1960, it was pursuing lowest jobs and it was declaind in every year. The healthcare sectore also increase in every year. It was the increase in 1980 for the 5 millons jobs. After that it was completely inclaind in every year, and in the year of 2020 it was the increase around 15 millons jobs.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 4.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 4.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 4.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 4.0 |
| Overall | 4.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5
The student attempts to report the main features of the line graph showing job trends in four US economic sectors between 1960 and 2020. However, the response suffers from significant inaccuracies in reading the data. For instance, the student states that manufacturing jobs reached '20 millons job in 1960' when the data shows 15 million, and states that retail jobs had a 'small increase in 2020' when retail actually rose from 15 to 16 million. Furthermore, there is no distinct overview provided, which is a key requirement for Academic Task 1. The selection of data is disjointed and lacks a clear summary of overall trends, keeping the score at band 4.5.
Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0
The essay is divided into paragraphs, which provides a basic structural framework, but the logical progression within and between paragraphs is weak. The student overuses transitional and sequencing words like 'Firstly', 'After that', and 'Secondly' in a mechanical and repetitive manner. Pronoun referencing is frequently confusing or absent, making it difficult to follow which sector the writer is referring to from sentence to sentence. For example, phrases like 'It was the inclaind' disrupt the flow and obscure the relationship between ideas. Cohesive devices are generally inadequate and inaccurate, limiting the coherence of the response.
Lexical Resource: Band 4.5
The vocabulary used is very basic and repetitive, heavily relying on words like 'jobs', 'sector', 'economy', 'increase', and 'millons'. There are numerous spelling and word-choice errors throughout the text, such as 'millons' instead of millions, 'inclaind' and 'declaind' instead of inclined/increased and declined, and 'decrese' instead of decrease. The student attempts to use some less common lexical items related to trends, but these attempts are marred by inaccurate spelling and incorrect morphological forms, which occasionally impedes understanding. The lexical range is minimally adequate for addressing the visual data.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.0
The response demonstrates a very limited range of grammatical structures, consisting mostly of simple and attempted complex sentences that are heavily flawed. There are frequent grammatical errors in almost every sentence, including missing auxiliary verbs, incorrect verb tenses, and awkward prepositions (e.g., 'The manufacturing jobs was the 15 millons job', 'retail sector jobs was the increase in every year', 'agriculture sectors has become around'). Punctuation and sentence boundaries are weak. These persistent errors cause strain for the reader and reflect a lack of control over basic grammatical forms.
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