Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-01
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 4.5)
The lecture was related to the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy is the us 1960 to 2020. Firstly, the speaker talked about the 1960. The manufacturing is so high in 1960. Then, he provided information about the 1980. The retail is low. Furthermore, he discussed about agriculture in 2000 is very low. Another, the graph provided information about the healthcare from zero to 15 is very high. Overall, the lacture gave comprehensive information about the graph of the economy that enables deeper understanding about the number of jobs in four sectors of economy.
In conclusion, while there are valid concerns about the effect of number of jobs in four sectors. There is also an opportunity for social improvements and individual advancements if we approach it with wisdom and foresight.
Moreover, it is heartening to see proactive efforts being made by jobs in millions from 1960 to 2020. Manufacturing is increased and then decreased. Then retail is increase from five to fifteen. Agriculture is aslo decreased from five to almost zero. Healthcare is increased from almost zero to nearby fifteen.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 4.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 4.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.0 |
| Overall | 4.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5
The response attempts to describe a graph, but it fundamentally misunderstands the nature of the task by treating it as a speech or a lecture given by an imaginary speaker, writing phrases such as 'the speaker talked about' and 'he provided information'. Furthermore, the response includes irrelevant, memorised template conclusions about social improvements that do not belong in an Academic Task 1 report. While some key sectors like manufacturing and healthcare are mentioned, the information is presented in a very fragmented, disjointed way without a clear overview, resulting in only a partial address of the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0
The organisation of the text is severely hindered by inappropriate paragraphing and the inclusion of conversational elements and irrelevant template sentences. There is no clear overall progression or logical structure guiding the reader through the data. Cohesive devices are used awkwardly or inaccurately, and referencing is often unclear, such as shifting abruptly between paragraphs without proper logical links. The division into separate mini-paragraphs breaks the flow of what should be a unified data report.
Lexical Resource: Band 5.0
The vocabulary used is very basic and repetitive, frequently relying on simple verbs like 'talked', 'discussed', and 'provided'. There are noticeable lexical inaccuracies and inappropriate word choices, such as referring to a visual graph as a 'lecture' and using non-standard phrasing like 'the graph gave comprehensive information about the graph of the economy'. Spelling is generally acceptable, but the limited range of vocabulary and frequent inappropriate terms cause difficulty for the reader and prevent the response from achieving a higher band.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0
The response demonstrates a very limited range of sentence structures, relying mostly on basic, repetitive subject-verb-object patterns. Attempts at more complex phrasing are awkward or grammatically faulty, such as 'The lecture was related to the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy is the us 1960 to 2020.' There are frequent errors in tense usage, prepositions, articles, and capitalisation, including 'lacture' and lowercase 'us'. These errors occur regularly and often strain comprehension.
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