Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-01
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 4.5)
The graph illustrates that the information about the varrious types of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the us between 1960 to 2020.
overall the four types of jobs will be distracted in many kinds of graph.The jobs of economy that the manufacturing is toply increases and than the retail will be dramatically rose and that the agriculture will be decline after that the healthcare will be upward slop increased.
firstly that the manufacturing in starting increased in 1960 to 2020.In1960 the retail will be dramatically increased in 2000and sloply down in 2020.
similarly that the various types of jobs is economy that the name was Agriculture. In 1960 the agriculture mid point start is the number was 5 and sharply decline in 1980 to 2020. the another jobs name was healthcare .Its midpoint was starting in 1 on 1960 and the line was going to upward direction on 2020.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 4.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 4.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 4.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 4.5 |
| Overall | 4.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5
The response attempts to address the task by mentioning the four sectors shown in the graph, but it does so only partially. While there is an effort to report main features, such as the general rise in retail and healthcare and the decline in agriculture, the information is imprecise and lacks proper development. Key data points are either omitted or misreported, such as stating that agriculture started at 5 and healthcare at 1. The overview provided in the second sentence is confused and difficult to follow, failing to give a clear summary of the overall trends. To move to a higher band, the response needs to accurately select and report the most prominent features of the data with clear support and a coherent overview.
Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0
Information and ideas are not arranged coherently throughout the response. The text is divided into paragraphs, but the logical progression within and between them is frequently disrupted. Sentences often lack clear connections, and cohesive devices are either misused or absent, leading to a disjointed reading experience. For example, transitional phrases like "firstly that" and "similarly that" are used awkwardly. Referencing is also unclear, making it hard to follow which sector or time period is being discussed. To improve, the writer needs to organise ideas into a logical sequence, use paragraphing more effectively, and employ basic cohesive devices accurately to guide the reader through the data.
Lexical Resource: Band 4.5
The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, employing a limited range of terms suitable for describing trends. There are noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word form, such as "varrious", "toply increases", "sloply down", and "dramatically rose", which sometimes strain the reader's understanding. The writer attempts some less common vocabulary related to trends, but inaccuracies in collocation and form prevent precise communication. To achieve a higher score, the response needs to demonstrate a wider and more accurate range of lexical items, including precise verbs and adverbs to describe statistical changes naturally and correctly.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5
The writing displays a very limited range of sentence structures, relying heavily on simple or awkwardly constructed complex forms that are frequently faulty. There are persistent errors in grammar, including incorrect verb tenses, missing articles, and awkward prepositional usage within basic patterns, such as "in 1960 to 2020" and "on 2020". These errors occur frequently and often distort the intended meaning, causing difficulty for the reader. To improve, the writer needs to demonstrate better control over basic sentence construction, ensure correct tense usage for past data, and reduce the frequency of grammatical errors across the text.
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