Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-02

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 4.5)

The given bar graph illustrates the information about the number of job opportunities in four regions manufacturing , retail, agriculture and healthcare of the economy in the US from 1960 to 2020. The data had been calibrated into millions

Looking from an overall perspective ,It is readily apparent that the total amount of jobs in the manufacturing company which figure reached to the peak point. while, the plummeted million jobs in healthcare sector.

At the first glance ,it is crystal clear that the number of jobs in four sectors that was in manufacturing and retail sector . First, 15 millions of jobs in this sector and slightly figure inclined in the 1980. In 2000 to 2020 the job options were suddenly fall down that was about 10million. in the year 1960 to 2020 the retail jobs less preferred of the economy sectors which was merely 5 million and in the mid year figured show upward trend which was reach 15 million above

Turning to the agriculture and healthcare site , in the former year the both interact figured to crossed each other and agricultural job significantly mushroomed and healthcare follow downward trend

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 3.5

The response fails to accurately report the main features of the visual data. The student misinterprets the graph type, calling it a 'bar graph' instead of a line graph, and incorrectly identifies the trends. For instance, the text claims that manufacturing reached a peak while the healthcare sector plummeted, whereas the graph clearly shows healthcare rising significantly from 2 million to 16 million jobs, and manufacturing declining after 1980. The selection of data is erratic and confused, leading to a partial and inaccurate understanding of the task. Key trends across the four sectors are not meaningfully or correctly conveyed, resulting in a very low achievement level.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The essay lacks a clear logical progression and overall coherence. Although the student attempts to structure the response with introductory and overview remarks, the body paragraphs are disjointed and difficult to follow. Cohesive devices are used awkwardly or inaccurately, such as 'Looking from an overall perspective ,It is readily apparent that' and 'At the first glance ,it is crystal clear that', which are awkwardly punctuated and mechanically deployed. Paragraphing is attempted, but internal referencing and transitions between sentences are weak, causing the reader to struggle to connect the ideas to the underlying visual data.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

Vocabulary use is limited and frequently inaccurate. The student attempts some less common vocabulary, such as 'plummeted', 'mushroomed', and 'calibrated', but misuses them in context, as seen in the phrase 'plummeted million jobs in healthcare sector' when healthcare actually experienced a massive upward trend. There are also frequent word-choice errors, incorrect phrasing like 'job options were suddenly fall down', and basic descriptive errors regarding the data categories. While the vocabulary is sufficient to convey the general topic of employment sectors, the numerous inaccuracies and awkward collocations significantly impede clear communication.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The grammatical range is severely restricted, relying heavily on faulty attempts at complex sentence structures. There are frequent grammatical and punctuation errors throughout the text, including tense confusion ('The data had been calibrated', 'figured show upward trend'), missing or incorrect prepositions, and severe problems with subject-verb agreement. Sentences such as 'the number of jobs in four sectors that was in manufacturing and retail sector' are grammatically incomplete and tangled. Punctuation is also problematic, with multiple spaces before commas and periods. These frequent errors cause considerable difficulty for the reader.

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