Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-03

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 4.5)

The graph shows us the four main sectors of the economy and that's was manufacturing, retail, agriculture and the healthcare. So, from 1960 the manufacturing was start from 15 number of jobs of the economy and it was decresed in the 2020 . The retail was start from 5 number of jobs of the economy and it was increased and reached on the number of 15. The agriculture was start from 5 number of jobs of the economy and ended approximately 0 number of jobs of the economy in 2020. And in the last, the healthcare was start from approximately 3 number of jobs of the economy and ended with and 15 number of jobs of the economy in 2020. The relevant was the retail and the healthcare because that two jobs of the sector of economy was strart almost near to the same numbers and ended on the same numbers

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

The response attempts to address the prompt by reporting on the four sectors in the graph, but it only partially covers the task. While some main features are mentioned, such as the starting and ending points for manufacturing and agriculture, the reporting of data is imprecise and contains inaccuracies compared to the visual source. For example, the student states that manufacturing started from 15 and decreased in 2020, but omits the peak in 1980. Furthermore, the overview is weak, lacking a clear summary of overall trends, and the attempt to compare the retail and healthcare sectors is poorly executed and confusing. To move to a higher band, the response needs to provide a clearer overview of the main trends across the period, report data more accurately, and make meaningful, well-supported comparisons between the categories.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The organisation of the text is very basic and lacks a clear overall progression. The response is written as a single dense paragraph rather than being appropriately structured into an introduction, overview, and body paragraphs. Cohesive devices are used repetitively and mechanically, particularly the phrase 'was start from' and 'number of jobs of the economy', which creates an unnatural rhythm and poor flow. Additionally, referencing is unclear at times, such as the sudden transition to 'And in the last' and 'The relevant was...'. To improve, the student should group related information into distinct paragraphs, use a wider variety of transitional markers naturally, and ensure that ideas are sequenced logically to guide the reader smoothly through the report.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

The vocabulary used is very limited and repetitive, failing to demonstrate an adequate range for an academic task. Words and phrases are constantly recycled, such as 'number of jobs of the economy' and 'start from'. There are also noticeable errors in word choice and word formation, such as 'decresed', 'strart', and using 'jobs' to refer to the sectors themselves. These lexical shortcomings cause some difficulty for the reader. To achieve a higher score, the student needs to build a more varied vocabulary suited to describing statistical data, including verbs of change (e.g., 'fluctuated', 'plummeted', 'surged'), nouns, and appropriate modifiers, while ensuring correct spelling and word forms.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The grammatical range is extremely limited, relying heavily on basic, repetitive sentence structures. There is a persistent failure in verb forms and tense control, seen in erroneous constructions such as 'that's was manufacturing', 'the manufacturing was start from', and 'was increased'. Articles and prepositions are also frequently misused or omitted. These frequent grammatical errors impede communication and distract the reader. To progress, the student must practice forming accurate simple and complex sentences, apply correct past tense forms for historical data without unnecessary auxiliary verbs, and pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage.

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