Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-03

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 4.5)

The line graph illustrates the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, [redacted phone].namelly the sectors Manufacturing, Retail, Agriculture, Healthcare.

Overall, while the retail and healthcare are both sector 16millions. but then decreased manufacturing 14% and agriculture in only 3% show in 2020.

In 1960, manufacturing was the highest sector in 15millions. However, retail and agriculture sectors in 6% and healthcare in 3%. Another way in 1980 all four sectors are normally increases.

In other hand, manufacturing and agriculture showed dounward trend in 2020. its start about 1960 in 6% and 15%. approximately in 2000 manufacturing 16millions and agriculture 4millions.

In contrast, healthcare and retail increased considerably. when the graph show the jobs sectors of economy company in US the highest number of jobs in manufacturin for 1980 in 20millions. then all around the agriculture sectors in 2020 for only 3millions and other sectors are show in line graph slighty up and down in 1960 to 2020.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

The response responds to the task only minimally and fails to meet the minimum length requirement of 150 words, standing at 148 words including 15 words copied directly from the prompt. While the student attempts to mention the categories such as manufacturing, retail, agriculture, and healthcare, the data reported is frequently inaccurate or confused. For instance, the text claims retail and healthcare reached 16 million in 2020 while confusing percentages and numbers, stating manufacturing was 14% and agriculture was 3%. The overview is unclear and fragmented, lacking a proper summary of the main trends across the four economic sectors between 1960 and 2020. To improve, the student must report accurate figures from the chart, avoid mixing up percentages with millions, and ensure the word count exceeds the 150-word minimum by developing a clear overview and supporting details.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

Information and ideas are not arranged coherently, resulting in a confusing progression. Although the text is broken into multiple paragraphs, the internal structure of each paragraph lacks logical flow. Sentences often appear disjointed and abruptly shift from one topic to another without clear transitions, as seen in the awkward jump between paragraphs discussing manufacturing and healthcare. Furthermore, cohesive devices are either misused or absent, and referencing is unclear, making it difficult for the reader to follow the comparisons over time. To move to a higher band, the student should organize ideas into a logical structure, introduce an introductory overview, group related trends together, and use appropriate cohesive devices such as 'meanwhile', 'in contrast', or 'subsequently' to link sentences smoothly.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

The vocabulary used is basic, repetitive, and frequently inaccurate, which significantly strains the reader's understanding. The student relies heavily on simple words and makes numerous word-choice and word-form errors, such as writing 'namelly', 'dounward', 'slighty', and confusing the terms for millions and percentages (e.g., writing '14%' instead of millions of jobs). Attempts to use less common vocabulary fail due to inappropriate collocations and lexical inaccuracies. To achieve a higher band, the student needs to build a wider range of vocabulary relevant to describing data, such as 'fluctuate', 'decline', 'surge', or 'plateau', and ensure correct spelling and word forms throughout the essay.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The response displays a very limited range of sentence structures, and errors are frequent throughout the text, often distorting meaning. Simple sentences are constructed poorly, and attempts at more complex structures result in major grammatical breakdowns, such as verbless clauses and incorrect prepositional phrases (e.g., 'while the retail and healthcare are both sector 16millions'). There are frequent errors in verb tense usage, subject-verb agreement, and article use, making it difficult to discern the timeframes and relationships being described. To improve, the student must focus on foundational grammar, ensuring every sentence contains a main verb, practicing correct subject-verb agreement, and reducing basic errors in punctuation and sentence boundaries.

See this exact question answered at other band scores. The same prompt compared across bands.

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