Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-03
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 4.5)
The graph below illustrated information About the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 to 2020.
Overall the retail sector and health care sector on same place, but the other 2 sectors went down because of inflation.
In 1980 manufacturing sector on its peak, He provide 20 million jobs but in 2000 it went downward to 13 million. on the other hand the agricultural sector was 1960 to 2020 stay on downfall,They provided 5 million jobs only. They heavily affected the US economy.
Retail and health care sectors started the economic sport to US, 2020 was the great time period for retail sector and health care sector. Retail sector provided 15 million’s jobs.
Health care sector also provide 15 million jobs in 2020. All these sectors give a lot of opportunities for millions of people. These sectors sports the US economy. US fully hold on these sectors
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 4.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 4.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 4.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 4.5 |
| Overall | 4.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5
The response meets the task only partially, and the length requirement is not met, as the student's response contains 137 words, falling short of the 150-word minimum (excluding 17 words copied directly from the task prompt). While the writer attempts to present an overview and select some main features from the line graph, the information provided contains factual inaccuracies and unsupported claims. For instance, the overview incorrectly states that the retail and healthcare sectors are 'on same place' in 1960, and later attributes the downward trends to 'inflation,' which is neither shown nor implied by the data. The selection of data is erratic, and the overview lacks a clear summary of the overall trends over the sixty-year period, resulting in limited and under-developed ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5
The text demonstrates some organisation with an attempted introduction and body paragraphs, but there is no clear overall progression or logical sequencing of ideas throughout the response. Paragraphing is fragmented, with single-sentence paragraphs used inconsistently. Cohesive devices are either missing or inaccurate, and referencing is frequently unclear, such as the pronoun 'He' used to refer to the manufacturing sector, and ambiguous plural pronouns like 'They' referring to the agricultural sector. The relationships between sentences are often disjointed, which hinders the overall readability and flow of the information presented.
Lexical Resource: Band 4.5
The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, representing a limited range adequate only for the most rudimentary communication. There are noticeable word choice and collocation errors throughout the response, such as 'health care sector on same place,' 'economic sport to US,' and 'sports the US economy' instead of supports. Additionally, there are word-form and spelling issues, such as 'millions’ jobs' and 'downfall' used awkwardly. While the meaning is occasionally conveyed, these lexical inaccuracies and the heavy reliance on simple, repetitive terms restrict the response to a lower band level.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5
The grammatical range is extremely limited, consisting mostly of simple and frequently faulty sentence structures. There are frequent errors in verb forms, tenses, subject-verb agreement, and prepositions, including 'The graph below illustrated' instead of illustrates, 'manufacturing sector on its peak' lacking a verb, and 'in 1960 to 2020 stay on downfall.' Punctuation and capitalization are also problematic, with missing full stops and lowercase letters used at the beginnings of sentences. These frequent errors cause considerable difficulty for the reader and reflect a weak control of basic grammatical patterns.
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