Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-03

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 4.5)

The total number of jobs in four sectors such as manufacturing, reatail, agriculture and healthcare of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Overall,manufacturing peaked increased but in period decreased of the economy in the US. healthcare speedily up trend in the US. retail rate speedily increased and agriculture down trend every on year.

Mnufacturing rose speedily 20 million in the year of 1980 after that manufacturing rate down trend 17 million at 2000 and also be declind in 13 million by 2020. while heathcare all years gone in the upward trend. In the 1980 increased slowly at 5 million. healthcare signifcantly speedily rised 11 million in the 2000 and also be rised at the end year of 2020 jobs of 16 million.

retail total jobs rate increade

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

The response falls short of the required word count, as the text contains only 120 words compared to the minimum of 150 words. Furthermore, the task is addressed only minimally. The opening sentence is a fragment rather than an introduction, and the overview is disjointed and unclear, reading like a string of disconnected phrases ('Overall, manufacturing peaked increased but in period decreased'). While some main features are mentioned, such as the peak for manufacturing in 1980 and the upward trend for healthcare, the data reporting is incomplete, chaotic, and breaks off mid-sentence at the end. To improve, you must ensure you write at least 150 words, provide a clear and complete overview of the main trends, and report the data accurately without fragmenting your sentences.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The organization of the response is heavily impaired, resulting in a lack of overall progression. The essay is broken into fragmented paragraphs and incomplete sentences, making it difficult to follow the logical development of ideas. Cohesive devices are either missing or misused, with clumsy transitions like 'after that' and 'while heathcare all years gone in the upward trend'. Paragraphing is not used effectively to structure the response, as the text appears as a series of isolated, disjointed lines and an unfinished final sentence. To achieve a higher band, you need to structure your writing into clear paragraphs—an introduction, an overview, and body paragraphs—and use a wider and more accurate range of cohesive markers to connect your ideas smoothly.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, with noticeable errors in spelling, word choice, and word formation that frequently impede communication. Examples of errors include 'reatail' for retail, 'Mnufacturing' for manufacturing, 'declind' for declined, 'signifcantly' for significantly, and 'increade' for increased. There are also awkward collocations and grammatical word-form errors, such as 'speedily up trend' and 'down trend every on year'. The range of vocabulary is limited to simple terms related to the graph, and attempts at less common words result in misspelling and misuse. To improve, you should expand your vocabulary to include precise synonyms for describing trends (e.g., 'fluctuated', 'plummeted', 'surged') and carefully check your spelling and word forms before finishing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The grammatical range is very limited, consisting mostly of simple and frequently faulty attempts at complex structures. There are persistent errors in verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, sentence structure, and prepositions. Many sentences lack main verbs or are incomplete fragments, such as the opening sentence and the final line ('retail total jobs rate increade'). Other errors include awkward phrasing like 'manufacturing rate down trend 17 million at 2000' and 'healthcare signifcantly speedily rised 11 million in the 2000'. These frequent errors cause considerable difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. To improve, focus on constructing complete sentences with a clear subject, verb, and object, and practice using past and present tenses correctly when reporting data from charts.

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