Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-04
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 4.5)
The line graph depicts the numbers of occuption in four sectors in the us between the year of 1960 to 2020.
overall the date demonstrates the manufacturing sector is extermely high as compared to helathcare sector in the year of 1980.Howere the percentage of agriculture is dramatically low and stable with the passage of time.
Accordingly the graph the proportion of retail is fluctuated markedly with the passage of the year.Moreover its ratio is high as compared to
healthcare and agriculture. Although the proportion of healthcare in the year of 1960 is dramatically low
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 3.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 4.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.0 |
| Overall | 4.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 3.5
The response falls well short of the minimum 150-word requirement, containing only 94 words. Because of this severe length restriction, the task is addressed only partially, and the reporting of main features is severely limited. While the student attempts an overview sentence and touches on a few trends, such as the manufacturing and agriculture sectors, the response trails off abruptly mid-sentence and fails to adequately cover all parts of the visual data. To achieve a higher band, the writer must ensure the essay reaches the required word count and provides a fully developed summary covering all four economic sectors with relevant comparisons.
Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0
The response shows some basic attempts at organization, including an introductory sentence and the use of transitional markers like 'Overall', 'However', and 'Moreover'. However, there is no clear overall progression due to the incomplete nature of the writing and abrupt ending. Paragraphing is not properly managed, as the text is clumped into short, fragmented blocks rather than a cohesive report structure. Cohesive devices are used mechanically and sometimes inaccurately, such as 'Accordingly the graph'. Referencing and logical flow are frequently disrupted by missing information and incomplete sentences. To improve cohesion, the writer should structure the essay into distinct, logical paragraphs with smooth transitions connecting the data points.
Lexical Resource: Band 5.0
The vocabulary used is limited and minimally adequate for conveying basic information. The student attempts some less common terms and descriptive adverbs, such as 'dramatically', 'fluctuated', and 'proportion', but these are accompanied by noticeable errors in word choice, form, and spelling. For instance, 'occuption' is misspelled, 'numbers of occuption' is an inaccurate collocation for data about jobs, and 'extermely' contains a spelling error. The misuse of 'percentage' and 'ratio' instead of 'number of jobs' or 'figures' also restricts lexical precision. To reach a higher band, the student needs to use a wider range of appropriate vocabulary related to data trends and ensure correct spelling and word formation.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0
The writing demonstrates a very limited range of sentence structures, relying mostly on simple and flawed attempts at complex clauses. There are frequent grammatical and punctuation errors that cause difficulty for the reader, such as missing articles ('in the us', 'to helathcare sector'), incorrect prepositions ('between the year of 1960 to 2020'), and capitalization issues ('overall', 'Howere'). Verb forms and subject-verb agreement also show instability, as seen in 'the data demonstrates the manufacturing sector is extermely high'. Furthermore, punctuation is weak, with sentences running together or ending abruptly. To improve, the student must master basic sentence construction, improve control over prepositions and articles, and expand the variety of accurate complex structures.
See this exact question answered at other band scores. The same prompt compared across bands.
Browse more IELTS Writing model answers or get your own writing scored by the same AI examiner.