Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-05
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 5.5)
The line graph show the number of jobs in four sectors of US economy between 1960 to 2020.
Overall the number of jobs in agriculture decreased significantly, While employment in retail and health care increased , Manufacturing jobs increase at first then declined but in 2020 health care had a highest number of jobs.
In 1960 agriculture had ha largest sector with about 18 million jobs. however the number decreased steadily over the following years, reaching only 3 millions and 2020. manufacturing started at 12 millions and increased at 20 million job in 2000. After that it fell to around 15 millions and 2020.
RETAIL employment show a steady upward trend. It Rose at million jobs from about 1960 to approximately about 10 million at 1980 and further more increase 15 million at 2000 and then increased at 20 million at 2020.
Health care experienced the greatest growth
, rising from about 5 million at 1960 to over approximately 25 million in 2020.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.0 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5
The response covers all four sectors shown in the graph and attempts to present an overview, as seen when you state that agriculture decreased significantly while retail and healthcare increased. However, the data points selected contain notable inaccuracies when compared to the visual data. For instance, you mention that agriculture started with about 18 million jobs and was the largest sector in 1960, whereas the graph shows manufacturing starting at 15 million and agriculture at 6 million. Furthermore, some trends are misreported, such as stating that healthcare rose to 25 million in 2020 (the actual figure is around 16 million). These inaccuracies and under-developed details prevent the response from achieving a higher band.
Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5
The response demonstrates some organisation with an introduction, an overview paragraph, and body paragraphs dedicated to different sectors. However, there is no clear overall progression due to confusing sequencing and weak cohesive devices. Paragraphing is somewhat erratic, with sentence fragments and isolated lines such as 'Health care experienced the greatest growth'. Referencing and linking between sentences are frequently mechanical or missing, leading to a disjointed reading experience. To progress, you should ensure that paragraphs are structured logically with clear topic sentences and smooth transitions connecting the ideas.
Lexical Resource: Band 5.5
The vocabulary used is adequate for the task, with attempts to describe trends using words like 'decreased', 'steadily', 'upward trend', and 'growth'. However, there are noticeable errors in word choice, form, and collocation that occasionally cause difficulty for the reader, such as 'show' instead of 'shows', 'ha largest sector' instead of 'as the largest sector', and 'further more increase 15 million'. Spelling slips and awkward phrasing are also present. To reach a higher band, you need to use a wider range of less common vocabulary with greater precision and maintain control over word forms and collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0
The response exhibits a limited range of sentence structures, with frequent errors in basic and attempted complex sentences. There are recurring issues with verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and prepositions, such as 'manufacturing jobs increase at first', 'Rose at million jobs', and 'at 1980' instead of 'in 1980'. Punctuation and capitalization are also problematic, with erratic spacing and lowercase letters at the start of sentences or after full stops. These frequent errors require the reader to decode the meaning and reflect a need for stronger control over fundamental grammatical rules.
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