Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-06

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 4.5)

The paragraph shows the information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Firstly, in this paragraph we discuss about the number of jobs in US,then we started from the year 1960.In addition, we talk about the health care sector first.Healthcare sector jobs start increasing from 1980 to onward and also warm up bit more in year 2000 and then large differnces was shown in 2020.

Now, we talk about agriculture sector,This sector loses jobs and have many fluctuations to face from year 1980 to 2020.

On the one hand, we talk about the next sector which is retailing, in 1960 ttheir job sector was primerely more and then in 2020 this sector start demolishing their jobs.

On the the other we talk about the last sector which is manufacturing sector,In this sector jobs are increased in 1960 then decreased and so on decreasing to 2020.

according to my research only healthcare sector and reatiling sector will warm up thier jobs to enhance the ecocnmy of US.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

The response attempts to address the prompt by mentioning information about jobs in four economic sectors in the US between 1960 and 2020, but it does so only minimally. The overall format resembles a personal conversation or an informal commentary rather than an academic report, starting with phrases like 'Firstly, in this paragraph we discuss' and ending with 'according to my research'. The selection of data is erratic and lacks a clear, overarching overview of the main trends. While some specific details are touched upon—such as the healthcare sector increasing and the agriculture sector losing jobs—the information is presented in a fragmented way with inaccurate data reporting, such as claiming that retail jobs started demolishing in 2020 when the graph shows steady growth. To move higher, the response needs to present a clear overview of the main trends and select key features objectively without using meta-language or personal commentary.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The text shows some basic attempts at organization through transitional markers like 'Firstly', 'On the one hand', and 'On the the other', but the overall logical progression is weak. The paragraphs are extremely short and do not follow standard essay or report structuring conventions. Furthermore, cohesive devices are often misused or mechanically applied, as seen in the awkward transition 'On the one hand... On the the other'. Referencing is also unclear at times, with pronouns and conversational phrases creating confusion about what is being discussed. To improve, the writer needs to group related information logically, ensure smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs without relying on conversational asides, and maintain a consistent, cohesive flow throughout the report.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, with frequent limitations in word choice and collocation that restrict the quality of the response. The student relies on elementary phrasing, such as 'warm up bit more', 'large differnces was shown', and 'start demolishing their jobs', which demonstrate an inadequate grasp of appropriate academic collocations. There are also noticeable lexical errors and awkward phrasing, including 'reatiling sector' and 'ecocnmy'. While the meaning is occasionally communicated, the lack of a varied and precise vocabulary range keeps the writing at this level. To progress, the writer should incorporate a wider range of precise economic vocabulary and phase out informal, conversational expressions in favor of standard descriptive terminology.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The grammatical structure is heavily limited, consisting mostly of simple and attempted complex sentences that frequently contain errors. The text suffers from numerous grammatical inaccuracies, including tense inconsistencies (e.g., mixing past events with present descriptions like 'sector loses jobs and have many fluctuations'), punctuation errors, and awkward phrasing such as 'from 1980 to onward'. Subject-verb agreement and prepositional use also show frequent lapses. Because errors occur consistently throughout the text and sometimes cause difficulty for the reader, the grammar remains constrained. To achieve a higher score, the student must demonstrate better control over tense selection for historical data, improve sentence complexity, and eliminate basic structural errors.

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