Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-08

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 4.5)

the greaph shows us the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

firstly lets talk about the manufacturing job so if we look at the mao its clearly shows that in 1960 their is a 15 million job which gradually grow to 20 million in the middle of 1960 to 1980but after 20 years its decreased slowly to almost 18 million in 2000 and its continu his downfall and reached to almost 13 million is 2020

now lets talk about retail job in 1960 the retail job stand in 6 million but its decresed to 4 million in 1980 and its akmost constant between 1980 and 2000 but in 2000 to 2020 its littile bit decreased to almost 3 million .

if we talk about agriculture in 1960 its stand on 6 million but then he gradually increasd.In 1980 its reached to almost 10 million and still he contiinue and reached to 15 million in 2000 and then it slow down his speed and it reached to 16 million in 2020

now lets talk about healthcare which increased deamatically all over the map in 1960 it was on 3 million but as it reached to 1980 its was a 5 million and between 1980 to 2000 its increased frm 5 million to 11 million and if we talk about in the middle of 2000 to 2020 its incresed from11 million to 16 million

in the conclusion the map shows us in some place a increased and in some other place its shows us a decreased .

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 3.5

The response attempts to describe all four sectors, but several central trends are assigned to the wrong categories, so the account does not accurately summarise the graph. For example, retail is described as falling from 6 million to 4 million and then 3 million, whereas it rises from 6 to 10, 15 and 16 million. Agriculture is also presented as increasing to 16 million, although it declines from 6 to 2 million. Healthcare is broadly described as rising, but its starting figure is closer to 2 million than 3 million. Manufacturing is the most accurately reported series. The conclusion, “in some place a increased and in some other place… decreased,” is too general to provide a clear overview. Focus first on the actual overall patterns and compare the highest and lowest sectors.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5

The response has a recognisable sequence: an introduction, separate paragraphs beginning “firstly” and “now lets talk about,” and a concluding sentence. This makes it possible to identify which sector is being discussed, and the time order within several descriptions is generally clear. However, the repeated conversational openings make the organisation mechanical, while the conclusion does not bring the main comparisons together. Some sentences run on, with several stages joined by “and” or “but,” which weakens the flow. Grouping the sectors by trend—for example, rising employment versus declining employment—and using clearer sentence boundaries would create stronger progression. More precise referencing and linking would also help readers follow comparisons across the four series.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

The vocabulary is sufficient to communicate the broad subject and some changes, with terms such as “increased,” “decreased,” “gradually,” and “reached.” However, the range is repetitive and often imprecise: “lets talk about” is conversational rather than suitable for an academic report, and “slow down his speed” is an awkward way to describe a trend. Spelling errors such as “greaph,” “mao,” “deamatically,” and “incresed” are frequent and can distract the reader. Some word choices also obscure the intended meaning, particularly where “retail” and “agriculture” trends are described inaccurately. Build a more precise set of trend verbs and use standard spellings, while keeping the tone formal and objective.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The response attempts longer sentences and uses time clauses, such as “after 20 years” and “between 1980 to 2000,” but these structures are often faulty. Errors in verb forms and agreement appear throughout: “their is a 15 million job,” “it continu his downfall,” and “it reached” after a plural or changing subject. Articles and prepositions are also frequently inaccurate, as in “in the middle of 1960 to 1980” and “stand on 6 million.” Punctuation is limited, so several sentences become run-ons and are harder to process. Use straightforward, complete sentences with a consistent past tense, and check subject–verb agreement, articles, and prepositions. Greater control of these basic patterns is needed before adding more complex clauses.

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