Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-09

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 4.5)

The line graph compares the number of occupation in four sectors of the economy in US. It covers the perioed from 1960 to 2020. Over a span of 60 years. Additionally, the numbers of the data is done in numbers of times the career in four sectors was fluctuated per year.

Overall, it is eveident that the intake of retail and healthcare increased over the years. While manufacturing or agriculture declined. The figures indicate a notable change in different carrer prefrences, with retail and healthcare dominating the consumption pattern in the later years.

Regarding retail started increased in 1960 and then steadily throughout the perioed, eventually reaching a level equal to that manufacturing or agriculture by the end of the timeframe. Similarly, healthcare sectors are started grown in less 5 and now its approximately above 15 in 2020. after which thw

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

You identify the broad period and mention that retail and healthcare rise, which are relevant features. However, the report is incomplete and only partially summarises the graph: it gives no account of manufacturing’s peak at about 20 million in 1980 and subsequent fall, or agriculture’s decline from about 6 million to 2 million. The claim that retail eventually reached a level equal to manufacturing or agriculture is inaccurate; in 2020, retail and healthcare were both around 16 million, while manufacturing was about 13 million and agriculture about 2 million. The overview also refers to “consumption pattern,” which is not what the graph measures. The response is 9 words below the required minimum. Add a complete overview and accurate comparisons across the four sectors.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0

There is an attempt to organise the response with an introduction, an overview and a detail paragraph, and signposts such as “Overall” and “Similarly” help indicate relationships. However, progression is difficult to follow because the detail paragraph begins “Regarding retail started increased” and then shifts to healthcare without clearly separating or completing the comparisons. The opening also contains two disconnected fragments: “Over a span of 60 years” and “Additionally, the numbers of the data…”. The final words, “after which thw,” leave the response unfinished and disrupt cohesion. Use complete paragraphs with one clear purpose each, and group the sectors by contrasting trends. Ensure every sentence is finished and that linking expressions accurately reflect the relationship between ideas.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

The response uses some task-related vocabulary, including “increased,” “declined,” “steadily” and “timeframe,” so the general topic is recognisable. However, the range is limited and several word choices or collocations make the meaning unclear. “Number of occupation” does not naturally describe the graph, while “numbers of the data is done in numbers of times the career…was fluctuated” is difficult to interpret. “Consumption pattern” is also inappropriate because the chart reports jobs, not consumption. Spelling errors such as “perioed,” “eveident,” “carrer” and “thw” further reduce clarity. Use precise terms such as “number of jobs,” “employment,” and “rose/fell to,” and check spelling and collocations before submitting.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The response attempts a few longer structures, including “The figures indicate a notable change…,” but control of sentence structure is weak and errors frequently make the message difficult to understand. “Over a span of 60 years” is a fragment, and “Regarding retail started increased” lacks a workable grammatical structure. Verb forms are also faulty in “healthcare sectors are started grown” and “retail…steadily throughout the perioed.” There are problems with agreement and articles in “the number of occupation” and “the numbers of the data is.” Punctuation and capitalisation are inconsistent, including the lowercase “after” following a full stop. Practise complete subject–verb sentences and accurate past-tense descriptions, for example, “Retail employment rose steadily from 1960 to 2020.”

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