Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-12

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 4.5)

The graph illustrate information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the us between 1960 and 2020. Overall, it is clear that the manufacturing was the largest employment sector in the early year, while the healthcare and reatil is grouth our the period. In contact, agriculture showed a downward trend. In 1960 manufacturing emloyed more than 16 million people, it is the largest sacter. This figer increased to 20 million in 1980, its figer 17 million in 2000 and more than 13 million in 2020. Healthcare is more remarkable because 1960 in more than 6 million employer and 1980 this graph is high aproxmately 10 million people i this and last more than 16 million employer in 2020. Other side agriculture is very low in 1960 more than 6 million people work and 1980 its low more than 3 million employer in their 2000 is same and last 2020 is approxamatiely 2 million people in their.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

You identify the broad contrast between manufacturing’s early lead and agriculture’s decline, and you include several figures, such as manufacturing reaching 20 million in 1980 and agriculture falling to about 2 million by 2020. However, the response only partially covers the graph: retail is not described at all, and the healthcare figures are substantially misreported (about 2 million in 1960 and 5 million in 1980, not more than 6 and approximately 10). The overview also misses the key endpoint comparison: retail and healthcare both finish at around 16 million, the joint highest levels. The response is 142 words, below the required 150, and 19 words copied from the prompt were excluded from the count. Add the missing series and a clearer overview supported by accurate comparisons.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is a basic attempt to organise the response, beginning with an introduction and overview before moving to details about manufacturing, healthcare and agriculture. However, the progression is difficult to follow because the sector descriptions are crowded into one paragraph and several transitions are unclear. Phrases such as “Other side” and “In contact” do not clearly signal the intended comparison, while “this and last” makes the sequence of years hard to track. Retail’s omission also leaves the account incomplete and unbalanced. Use separate paragraphs for the overview and grouped details, then guide the reader through the years with clear links such as “By contrast” and “Meanwhile,” and make each comparison explicit.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

The response uses a small set of relevant terms, including “employment sector,” “increased,” and “downward trend,” so the general subject is recognisable. However, vocabulary is basic and repetitive, and frequent spelling and word-form errors make parts difficult to understand: “reatil,” “grouth,” “emloyed,” “sacter,” and “aproxmately.” Some expressions are also unsuitable or unclear, such as “more remarkable” and “more than 6 million employer,” where the intended meaning appears to concern jobs or workers. Build a more accurate range for describing data, including “rose,” “declined,” “stood at,” and “employment,” and check spelling and collocations carefully. More precise wording would make the comparisons easier to follow.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt a few different sentence patterns, including an overview with “while” and “In contrast,” but control of sentence structure is weak. Errors in agreement and verb forms appear in “The graph illustrate” and “healthcare and retail is,” while missing or incorrect articles and sentence construction affect phrases such as “1960 manufacturing employed…” and “its figure 17 million in 2000.” Several long sentences join multiple years and ideas without clear grammatical links, which can obscure the meaning. Use shorter, complete sentences with a consistent past-tense pattern, for example, “Manufacturing employment rose to 20 million in 1980, then fell to 17 million in 2000.” Check subject–verb agreement and punctuation as you revise.

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