Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-12

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 4.5)

The bar graph illustrates the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in United States throughout the period.

Overall, it is evident that jobs in manufacturing amd agriculture sector showed downward trend whereas retail and

healthcare showed upward trend .

Having a closer look on the graph, In the beginning,Manufacturing sector showed approximately 15 million jobs then it rose to about 20 million then it fell to around 13 million. The jobs in the sector of retail recorded for 6 million. After that it decreased to 3 million .

Further scrutinizing the graph, Initially the jobs in the sector of retail and agriculture almost same. Then it reached to 16 million by the end. The number of jobs in the sector of healthcare showed upward trend in the beginning, ut stood at probably 3 billion then it showed upward trend and stood at 16 million in yewr 2020

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

The response identifies the broad contrast between rising employment in retail and healthcare and falling employment in agriculture, and it gives some relevant figures, such as manufacturing peaking at about 20 million and healthcare reaching 16 million. However, coverage is incomplete and several details are inaccurate or unclear: retail rose from 6 to 16 million, but you say it “decreased to 3 million,” confusing it with agriculture; agriculture’s decline to about 2 million is not clearly reported; and healthcare began at about 2 million, not “3 billion.” The overview also incorrectly describes manufacturing as showing a general downward trend without noting its initial rise. The response is 139 words, below the 150-word minimum. Add a clear, accurate overview and report the main changes for all four sectors.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is a basic attempt to organise the response into an overview and two detail paragraphs, and sequencing phrases such as “Overall,” “In the beginning,” and “Further scrutinizing” signal movement through the data. However, the progression is difficult to follow because the second paragraph mixes manufacturing with retail, while the final paragraph returns to retail before discussing healthcare. This leads to repetition and makes comparisons unclear. Some linking phrases are also awkward or incorrectly punctuated, and the final sentence ends without a full stop. Grouping the two rising sectors together and the two declining or fluctuating sectors together, with each figure attached to the correct category, would create a clearer progression.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

The response uses some task-relevant vocabulary, including “sector,” “approximately,” “rose,” and “upward trend,” so the main topic is generally understandable. However, the range is limited and several expressions are repetitive or imprecise: “showed upward trend” occurs more than once, while “the jobs in the sector of retail recorded for 6 million” is an unnatural way to report a figure. “3 billion” is also an inappropriate unit in this context, and spelling errors such as “amd,” “ut,” and “yewr” reduce accuracy. Use concise chart language such as “employment stood at,” “increased to,” and “declined to,” and check spelling and units carefully. More precise vocabulary would make the comparisons easier to understand.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and longer sentence forms, and some basic clauses communicate the intended trends. However, grammatical control is inconsistent, particularly in sentence boundaries, articles, and verb patterns. For example, “In the beginning,Manufacturing sector” lacks a space after the comma and an article before “Manufacturing sector”; “showed downward trend” also needs an article. The sentence beginning “The jobs in the sector of retail recorded for 6 million” has a faulty verb construction, and the final sentence contains a run-on sequence of clauses. Capitalisation after commas is inconsistent, and several sentences lack appropriate punctuation. Practise writing shorter, complete sentences with accurate articles and verb forms before combining them with linking clauses.

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