Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-15

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 4.5)

The us economy from 1960 to 2020 of four companies.First manufacturing company in 1960 the company employement rate was 15 million, and goes to 20 million in 1980,then decline to 15 ,million in 2000 then more decline from 15 million to approximately 12.5 million.The second company was Retail the employment rate in 1960 was 5.1 million then gone to 10 million in 1980 and more up to 15 million in 2000 and more rise to 15 million in 2020.The third company was agriculture the employment rate was 5.1 million in 1960 the decline to 2.5 million in 1980 then, sustain to 2.5 million in 2000and then decline to 2,4 million in 2020.The forth compamy rate was in 1960 2.5 million the rate of employment rise to 5 million in 1980 and more rise to 10.1 million ain 2000 and more rise to 15.1 million in 2020.The overall better performance was the Healthcare rise 2.5 million to 15.1 million

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

The response identifies all four sectors and reports their broad directions: manufacturing rises before falling, retail and healthcare grow, and agriculture declines. It also gives an overall comment that healthcare performed best, which recognises its strong increase. However, the overview is brief and does not clearly compare the sectors’ final positions or highlight that retail and healthcare both reach about 16 million jobs in 2020. Several figures are inaccurate: manufacturing is about 17 million in 2000, not 15; retail is about 16 million in 2020, not 15; and agriculture is about 3 million in both 1980 and 2000, rather than 2.5. The account is therefore only partially accurate and the main features are underdeveloped. Prioritise a clear overview and check key values against the graph.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response follows a recognisable sequence, describing manufacturing, retail, agriculture and healthcare in turn, and uses time markers such as “in 1960,” “in 1980” and “in 2020” to make the chronology understandable. However, it is presented as one continuous block, with no clear paragraphing or separate overview. Repeated openings such as “the employment rate” and “more rise” make the progression mechanical, while transitions between sectors are limited to “First,” “The second company” and similar labels. Some punctuation also makes boundaries between ideas unclear. Grouping the information into an introduction, an overview and two comparison-focused detail paragraphs would create a clearer progression and help the reader see the main contrasts.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

The response uses a basic set of relevant terms, including “decline,” “rise” and “employment rate,” so the general trends can usually be understood. However, vocabulary is repetitive and some choices are imprecise for a graph about economic sectors: calling them “companies” suggests individual businesses rather than sectors, and “overall better performance” is vague. There are also noticeable spelling and word-form errors, including “compamy,” “ain” and “employement,” which reduce accuracy. Use a more varied but controlled range of trend language and precise sector terminology. For example, describe figures as the “number of jobs” and use verbs such as “increased,” “fell” and “remained stable” to report changes clearly.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The response communicates a sequence of changes, but it relies heavily on simple, loosely connected clauses and shows frequent errors in sentence construction and punctuation. For example, “the company employement rate was 15 million, and goes to 20 million” shifts tense within the same description, while “then decline to 15” lacks a correctly formed verb. Several sentences run together without full stops, as in the opening, and commas are often misplaced. Articles and sentence boundaries are also inconsistent. These problems sometimes make the relationships between figures harder to follow. Practise writing complete past-tense sentences with a clear subject and verb, and use full stops to separate each sector’s description.

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