Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-16

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 4.5)

The chart illustrates information about the number of jobs in four areas of the environmental in the US from 1960 and 2020.

Overall, the manufacturing jobs are climbly decrease in past few years and the retail jobs andbthe agriculture jobs are increased at the same point and the other hand the healthcare jobs are slightly decline.

Firstly, the retail job are in 1960 was around 5 millions and after it has been increased 15 millions in 2000 afterward it has been slightly increased around 16 millions in 2020. and the other side the agriculture jobs are gently up between 0 to 5 millions in 1960 to 1980 and following which it has been highly increased 16 millions in 1980 to 2020.

Afterward, the manufacturing jobs were 15 millions in 1960 and slightly going up to 20 millions in 1980 but it has been dropped down to around 13 millions in 2020. whilst the healthcare jobs were around 6 millions in 1960 it was declined 3 millions in 1980 and gone straight to 2000 and after it has been gently dropped down around 2 millions in 2020.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 3.5

The response attempts to describe all four sectors and includes some relevant figures, such as manufacturing rising from 15 million to 20 million before falling, and retail reaching about 16 million by 2020. However, the overview substantially misreports the main trends: manufacturing does not simply decrease, retail does not rise throughout the whole period, and healthcare increases rather than declines. The agriculture account is also seriously inaccurate: it falls from about 6 million to 3 million and then 2 million, rather than rising to 16 million. These errors mean the key features and comparisons are not reliably selected or reported. To improve, check each series against the graph and give a concise overview that accurately identifies the contrasting trends and the sectors with the most and fewest jobs.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0

There is some basic organisation: an opening statement is followed by an overview and two body paragraphs, and the writer groups sectors together. This gives the reader a general sense of the intended structure. However, progression is weakened by inaccurate comparisons and unclear sequencing, particularly in the agriculture sentence, which says it rises from 0 to 5 million and then reaches 16 million. Linking phrases such as “Firstly,” “Afterward,” and “on the other hand” are used mechanically or do not clearly express the relationship between ideas. Some sentences also run together, including the transition after “2020.” Use one paragraph for the overview and organise the details by clear trends, with accurate time references and fewer, more precise linking expressions.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

The response uses some task-related vocabulary, including “manufacturing,” “retail,” “agriculture,” “healthcare,” and “increased,” so the topic is generally recognisable. However, the range is limited and several word choices or forms are inaccurate, sometimes making the intended trend difficult to understand. For example, “environmental” is not the right term for economic sectors, “climbly decrease” is not a natural expression, and “gently up” and “gone straight” are imprecise descriptions of data. There are also noticeable spelling and typing errors, such as “andbthe.” Aim for accurate trend language and collocations: “rose steadily,” “declined,” “remained stable,” and “reached a peak” are useful options when they match the graph.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

The response attempts both simple and longer sentences, and the reader can identify the broad subject of most statements. However, complex sentences are often faulty, and errors in verb forms, agreement, articles, and sentence boundaries frequently affect clarity. Examples include “the manufacturing jobs are climbly decrease,” “the retail job are in 1960 was,” and “it has been increased 15 millions.” The sentence beginning “whilst the healthcare jobs were around 6 millions” also assigns the wrong trend and has an unclear structure. Punctuation is inconsistent, with a lowercase “and” starting a new sentence and several long clauses joined without clear boundaries. Practise past-tense reporting patterns such as “Retail employment stood at… and then rose to…” and check subject–verb agreement and sentence punctuation.

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