Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-16

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 4.5)

In this graph elaborats bars which shows four job sectors between 1960 to 2020. in this period had many ups and downs.

from the begning healtcare bar started from below 5 in 1960.in the job sector in healthcare increase day by day.this bar ends on 15 in 2020.jobs in manufacturing sector strated from 15 in 1960. this bar shows hipe in 1980 an increasing quite properly then after that readusing till 2020.other two bars of retail and agriculture shows vecancies in high in retail and low in agriculture.

on the other hand it has some difference between bars. vecansis in retail and healthcare almost same but in manufacturing and agriculture show redusing after starting show jobs

to conclude that jobs in healthcare showing vecansis more and more as well as retail. others two sectors had down fall day by day.these bar fluctuchate jobs in years

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

You identify the four sectors and mention some relevant trends, including healthcare rising and manufacturing peaking in 1980 before declining. However, the overview is vague: “many ups and downs” does not clearly summarise the main pattern, and the claim that “others two sectors had down fall day by day” is inaccurate because retail rises throughout, while agriculture falls overall but is stable from 1980 to 2000. Several figures and comparisons are missing or unclear; healthcare ends at about 16 million, not 15, and retail and healthcare finish at roughly the same level. The response is also five words below the required minimum. Add a clear overview and accurately compare the start and end points of all four sectors.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0

There is some basic organisation: you begin by introducing the graph, discuss sectors in the body, and provide a concluding sentence. This gives the reader a general sense of the topic. However, the progression is difficult to follow because trends are grouped loosely and some comparisons appear without clear explanation, such as “it has some difference between bars.” Linking phrases such as “on the other hand” and “to conclude” are used, but they do not always show the relationship between the ideas that follow. Paragraphing and sentence boundaries are also inconsistent. Organise the report into a brief introduction, a clear overview, and logically grouped details—for example, rising sectors together and declining sectors together.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use some task-related vocabulary, including “job sector,” “increase,” “started,” and “ends,” so the general subject is recognisable. However, the range is basic and repetitive, and several word choices or spellings make the meaning difficult to interpret. For example, “elaborats bars,” “hipe,” “readusing,” and “vecansis” do not communicate the intended chart description clearly. “Fluctuchate jobs” is also an imprecise way to describe the trends, since the lines show specific rises, falls, or stability rather than general fluctuation. Build a small set of accurate trend expressions—such as “rose steadily,” “peaked,” “declined,” and “remained stable”—and check spelling and collocations before submitting.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt to communicate changes over time using simple clauses, but grammatical control is limited and errors frequently affect clarity. Examples include “In this period had many ups and downs,” which lacks a clear subject, and “healthcare bar started from below 5 in 1960,” where articles and sentence structure are missing. Tense and agreement are also inconsistent, as in “this bar shows hipe” and “these bar fluctuchate.” Most sentences follow a basic pattern, with little accurate variety in complex structures. Practise complete subject–verb sentences and consistent past-tense reporting, such as “Healthcare employment rose from about 2 million in 1960 to 16 million in 2020.” Use full stops and capital letters consistently.

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