Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-17

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 4.5)

The line graph illustrate the number of jobs in four sector of the US economy between 1960 and 2020.

Overall, the number of jobs in manufactring is slightly increased and than fall dramatically while, healthcare declined through out the period. Where, retail and agriculture climed rapidly.

In 1960, the number of jobs in manufactring is 15 millions which slightly rose in 1980 with 20 millions where in 2000 it declined with the number of 16 millions and in 2020 the total number of jobs is 14 millions. Where, retail jobs shows the upward trend starting from 6 millions in 1960 to 10 millions in 1980 after that in 2000 it reached at 15 millions and in 2020 the rate peaked with 16 millions.

Moreover, the people in agrliculture increased from 3 millions to 5 millions in 1980 and than the number rose slightly from 15 millions to 16 millions between the five years. However, the healthcare departtment decreased throughout the period.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 3.5

The response attempts to describe the graph and includes several relevant figures, especially the rise in manufacturing to 20 million jobs in 1980 and the steady growth in retail to 16 million by 2020. However, the overview substantially misreports the main trends: manufacturing rose and then fell, rather than slightly increasing overall, while healthcare rose from about 2 to 16 million, not declined. Agriculture also fell from about 6 to 2 million; the response instead gives it an increase and later assigns it figures belonging to other sectors. These errors leave the key comparisons unclear, and the account is incomplete because healthcare’s actual trend is not reported. To improve, check each series against the graph and summarise the dominant rises and falls accurately before selecting supporting figures.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0

The response has a basic paragraph structure, with an introduction, an overview and two detail paragraphs, and it generally moves from an opening description to specific years. This gives the reader some organisation. However, progression is weakened by inaccurate or unclear links between ideas. For example, “Where, retail and agriculture climed rapidly” does not clearly connect to the preceding overview, and the final paragraph shifts between agriculture and healthcare without a reliable comparison. Linking words such as “Moreover,” “However,” and repeated “Where” are used mechanically or incorrectly. Grouping the two rising sectors together and the two declining sectors together, then using clear comparisons within each paragraph, would make the information easier to follow.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

The response uses a small range of relevant graph vocabulary, including “number of jobs,” “upward trend,” “declined,” and “peaked,” so the general topic is recognisable. However, vocabulary is repetitive and several choices are inaccurate or awkward, which sometimes obscures the data. “Climed rapidly” is not an appropriate description of agriculture, and “the rate peaked” is less precise than describing the number of jobs. There are also noticeable spelling errors, including “manufactring,” “agrliculture,” and “departtment.” Use accurate trend verbs and sector names, and vary expressions for increases and decreases. Careful proofreading of spelling and collocations would make the report clearer and more appropriate to an academic summary.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

The response attempts both simple and longer sentences, and the reader can usually identify the years and figures being discussed. However, control is inconsistent, with frequent errors in agreement, tense, articles and sentence construction. For example, “The line graph illustrate” needs subject–verb agreement, while “the number of jobs … is 15 millions” has problems with tense and the plural form after a number. The overview sentence beginning “Overall” also joins clauses awkwardly, and “Where” is used as a sentence opener without a clear grammatical connection. Aim for complete, clearly punctuated sentences and use consistent past-tense reporting, such as “stood at” or “rose to.”

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