Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-10-22

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 4.5)

The graph illustrate the information about number of jobs in four different catogries of the economy in US from 1960 to 2020.

overview, there are a dramatic increase of healthcare job rose steadily from 1960 to 2020. From 1960 to 2020, manufacture showed that it was on highest but in 1980 it more increased after that it has to dropping slightly. From 1960 to 2020 agriculture has droped and still remain. In 1960 to 2020, healthcare and retail surged steadily.

Futhermore, in 1960 to 2020 retail and healthcare showed dramatic increase around the 16% and healthcare decrease from 5 % to 2% it was a little progresse of this job. Another is that manufacture was on the highest rank but in 1980 it was more increased around 20%

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

You identify the four sectors and report several broad trends, including manufacturing peaking in 1980 and agriculture declining. However, the overview is unclear and some key details are inaccurate: manufacturing was highest in 1960 and 1980, but by 2020 retail and healthcare were both higher; healthcare rose from about 2 to 16 million, while retail rose from 6 to 16 million. The statement that healthcare “decrease from 5% to 2%” confuses healthcare with agriculture and gives percentages rather than job numbers. The response is also 22 words below the required minimum, limiting the detail available. To improve, give a clear overview and accurately compare the main changes across the period.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

There is an attempt to organise the response, beginning with an introduction and then using “overview” and “Furthermore” to introduce further information. However, the ideas do not progress clearly: the overview is mixed with details, and the final paragraph repeats that manufacturing was highest and peaked in 1980 without adding a clear comparison. Some links are difficult to follow, particularly “Another is that manufacture…” and the sentence combining retail’s rise with healthcare’s decline. Use distinct paragraphs for the overview and supporting details, and group related trends together—for example, the rising sectors and the declining agricultural trend. Clearer sentence-to-sentence connections would make the information easier to follow.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some relevant vocabulary for describing trends, including “rose steadily,” “surged,” “dropping,” and “highest rank,” so the reader can recognise the general subject. However, the range is limited and several choices or spelling errors reduce precision: “catogries,” “Futhermore,” “droped,” and “progresse.” Some expressions are also unnatural or unclear, such as “it was on highest” and “a little progresse of this job.” Use accurate sector names and standard chart language, such as “employment,” “increased,” “declined,” and “remained stable.” Also avoid “%” when the graph measures jobs in millions; precise vocabulary will help distinguish the data and trends.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

The response attempts several sentence forms, including clauses linked with “after that,” and the main trends can often be understood. However, errors in sentence structure and agreement occur frequently. For example, “The graph illustrate” needs subject–verb agreement, while “there are a dramatic increase” has an incorrect verb and article pattern. The fragment “overview, there are…” also lacks a properly formed opening, and “manufacture showed that it was on highest” is structurally unclear. Tense and verb forms are inconsistent in phrases such as “it more increased” and “it has to dropping.” Practise writing complete sentences with a clear subject and verb, and use the past simple consistently to report the historical data.

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